I do believe that the biggest lesson I have to learn is to love myself. I will add that request to my prayers to God, to help me to learn to love myself. I know that I will be ok no matter what the outcome between H and I is. I just don't want to be with out him for the rest of my life. I don't NEED anyone, but I sure as he** want him.
I have been reading the book the proper care and feeding of a husband. I wonder if Dr. Laura believes in MLC. Reading this book though, I never did nag my H, we hardly ever argued, when he took up some social activities I encouraged him for the most part, he worked 24/7 but I knew why and was ok with it and so on. I admit that somtimes I thought he should be able to read my mind and I couldn't tell him what I wanted. I never stopped loving him. My mistakes were not putting him before the kids and when I was in my MLC I didn't want to have sex with him. Not realizing that sex was a mans way of saying I love you. One time I remember him saying to me that he wished I would talk to the family the same way I talked to my friends. I thought he meant that I just nagged the kids to much about helping keep the house clean ect. I wish I had asked for clarification to what he meant! When we first started to date he told me that he didn't like public displays of affection, he didn't like having someone hang off him and that he loved me but he wasn't going to tell me all the time that I would just have to know. I wish he would have been able to tell me that things had changed. He did tell me a few months before he left that he would like me to greet him when he came home, and I thought I was trying to do it, but I was not doing it right because now I know he wanted me to greet him wiht a hug and kiss. I wish he was more explicit in what he wanted but on the other hand I should have asked exactly what he wanted. I was still coming out of my own MLC when he asked me that one so maybe I was only half hearted in my attempts.So now I know all this, I am learning to communicate and try to be more touchy feely with my kids, how do I communicate this to H?
Any suggestions? I had thought about phoning Dr. Laura but I think I will save some money up and in a couple of months try some DB coaching instead.
