Quote: My belief is that everything is connected and that things happen in our lives for reasons we do not yet understand, Having a deep faith is believing that what I am experiencing is exactly the way as it should be.
How we choose to "react" to that which we are experiencing is "our choice."
Our spouses MLC is not within our power to prevent nor is it within our power to fix them. This I know to be true from the depths of my heart, as I tried everything I could think of to fix my xw.
Letting go and letting God took a long time, a ton of frustration, an ocean of tears to finally reach a point of acceptance where I understood; "It was not my job to make her right."
Two years ago, I was in my own MLC. During that time I prayed to God to make my marriage better. When H left, I questioned my prayer. How was this supposed to make my marriage better. For the past four days, I have been on the BB reading and reading. There is so much information and good advice. For the past four days I have been in a phunk. Sad, crying, questioning, the whole nine yards.
I have been trying to reconnect with God since this has all happened. My prayer for the last 2 months (I got from someone on this BB). Please heal my heart, my H's heart and my marriage.
For the past four days I think the biggest message I have been getting is let it go and let God. I can't fix it.
Today, after being on the boards for most of the day, I had a thought.
For my H to understand what I went through, he has to go through it. For any changes in my M to happen, H has to go through it. For me to grow and learn, I had to go through H's MLC. For H to learn and grow, he had to go through it. If none of this had not happened, I would not have learned the leasons I have learned so far. We would still be going down the same old path we were going on. Nothing would have changed. I still, obviously, have a lot more to learn. I still don't love myself enough. I still have trouble communicating and showing affection. I am learning to do these things with my children. This is one of the big bonuses of having to go through this is the reconnection that has started with my children. I have always been independent, but I must learn to be independent and be happy. Most of my life, I feel I have just existed. Maybe I am not all the way through my MLC (I sure hope I am because it has been 7 years). I don't know what my passions are.
So I am letting go and letting God. I sound alright now. I now I will have many more sad days as I still love him. Hopefully they will get less and less. They have gotten less than when it all started, but there sure seem to still be a lot of them. I think about him day and night. I can't help it. But I have to keep reminding myself, let it go and let God.
So everyone, I am looking for all the support I can get to help me be strong.
Love and hugs for all Cynthia PS I'm not very good at putting thoughts to paper, so I hope everyone can understand my ramblings.
