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So how do I change from being too independent

Don`t give up your independence. Stay strong. But you can ease up on some issues, & go with your feelings.

If you really want help with the house, let him do what he can, but keep your expectations at zero.

I know it`s hard, but stop imaging what`s going on with ow. Your H is in MLC, it can`t be all that wonderful.
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One thing H said when he left was that he couldn't be who I wanted him to be

This is just an excuse for him, because he`s lost & doesn`t even know himself right now. He`s blaming you to justify his behavior.

Hang on
Celestial