Wow, I have never had a thread lock up on me before. Here is my last post on my old thread. As promised, I have re-named my thread.
Quote: Oh but playing the prank would be soooooooooo much fun.
Had the appraiser here yesterday. H was in his shop when he came to do the appraisal. H asked if I had taken what he had offered to me to the L and I said yes that he had both proposals, mine and his, and to work with both. H tried to discuss stuff with and tell me that the appraisal was no good and that he would disagree with it and started to argue with me. I told him over and over that the reason I got a L was I did not want to fight or argue with him, finally I had to start to walk away from him. Just as I was about to, the appraisal guy came in. H asked him if the appraisal was being done on market value and the guy said yes as of Dec. 1. H didn't say anymore.
Can't decide on the house, I think I will continue on with my plans to keep it and finish it. My D wants to stay in this town till she finishes school in three years. Can't see sell this and buying something else for 3 years. Spent that evening shopping with D for the out-of-towners and got everyone done. Just have a few people left to do.
Has anyone gotten those Chrisco Hampers or is this a Canadain thing?
Anyway, H has been working in the shop for the past couple of days, didn't talk talk to me and I haven't gone out to talk to him.
How do I start to become his friend again? Do I wait till the separation agreement is done? H still seems so angry towards me. When H first left, he wanted to be friends. He even come and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with him one day. I did, but I cryed the whole time. I told him then that I wasn't ready yet to be his friend and to give me some time. But he has changed so much since that time. Any advice.
When we go away, I will leave his Xmas gifts in the shop with some butter tarts for him.
Here is an example of how backwards people in MLC behave. My D who is 15 now has been dancing since she was 3 (she took last year off b/c Dad promised her horse back riding lessons that never appeared). Every year they do a recital. Every year I would have to force H to go. He would whine about it, but would go. He then would fall asleep during the recital and I would have to wake him up when she came on.
Well OW's D is in a play at the school which I have already taken D to as the two D's are friends. Last night D told me that H is taken her to the see the play. I was so hurt that he would willing go to the OW's D play. If only D knew this about her father (don't worry, I would never tell her). Then on Sunday he has asked her to come to their house to help decorate the tree. In our house H has always gone to get the tree with the kids, put it up and when they were little he would put the lights on and that was his whole contribution. He usually wasn't around for the decorating. Xmas was not a big deal in our house per say. The Xmas dinner was always at our house. His brother always came home for Xmas to our house.
Other people on the boards talk about their H helping with Xmas shopping and lots of my friends H's help too. My H has never ever helped with any form of shopping because he hates it. I would have loved to have him help because it would have been nice to get some ideas from him. I couldn't even get that. Oh, he would shop for my Xmas gift and take the kids out to get me something. Other people tell me that some else does their stocking. I have always done my own. How sad is that. Now H is a shop-a-holic.
They really do things the exact opposite of what they used to do.
I am so jealous of what he is doing. If I had half of the time he is giving her I would have been on cloud nine. He is doing everything with her that I have waited 18 years for (except all the shopping as I don't like to do a lot of shopping). I am so hurt.
One thing H said when he left was that he couldn't be who I wanted him to be. He is doing everything I wanted from him with her.
I don't know what he thought I wanted him to be. We had (or I had) been trying to work on our M for about 6 months before he left by spending more time together and being more affectionate with each other which leads to what I said in the first paragraph. Closer to the time that he left I could see some things but ignored them. As an example, one time I was sitting in his lap watching TV with him when OW pulled up in the drivewayy and he almost threw me on the floor. His excuse was to see what she wanted when she was just picking up a kid. I see know that he didn't want her to see us in that position.
We were both pretty independent. But we respected each other for what we were doing and supported each other. Maybe I was too independent. Maybe I am still being to independent. OW is really needy, which she really hasn't shown yet becasue she hasn't had to. H used to work 24/7, but not now. He only, it seems, works in the shop when she is at work. So she is getting all of his time and right now he is happy to do so. People have told me that she has shown her jealousy, but he is not letting her be that way. For now, I'm sure, she is doing what he wants, but we will see. With her H, if anyone looked at or talked to him, and if looks could kill, you'd be dead. She was doing that with my H before she or my H had left their spouses.
Ove the past year, H has dropped some hints about helping me with some things around the house, but I have been trying to show him that I don't need him, that I have always wanted him, but not needed him (this is something he has always said, you are supposed to want me, but you should never need me). Plus, if I let him do things for me around the house, then I have to wait for it to get done.
So how do I change from being too independent. I have waited a long time for things to be done around here. I want to do the renovations (actually I have to). I would kill to have him do them so that it is his work in the house (which I have wanted for 15 years). But how do I get this done without waiting another 15 years.
Part of his problem is his guilt about never finishing the house. How do I go about this without adding to his guilt. If he does the work, maybe it will get rid of his guilt? If I do the work, maybe it will add to his guilt.
I need to see the house finished.
Some of my friends say I should dump the house, but there are a few reasons I want to hang on to it. 1) I promised my D to stay in this town till she graduated (3 years) 2) I need to see the house finished and be able to enjoy it for a couple of years before I sell it 3) It is my savings plan/retirement fund 4) H's shop is his safe haven. If things start to go wrong for him and OW, I will know it by how much time he spends out there.
I sooooo miss my best friend and I am so lonely. The house is so quiet when the kids are out.
We have a large line of credit at the bank. It is the only account we still have together. H hadn't been making payments on it since he left. In May I started to cover the interest every month. To date I have put in over $700. In the summer I had told H I was doing this because I wanted to and to make sure our credit rating stayed good (well mine anyway, he was doing a number on his own stuff). He told me not to. Part of the S we are trying to work on, he says he will take on this debt. Anyway, as of yesterday, H set up an automatic deposit into this account so I see he is now making an effort to pay it.
My question is, now that I am part time, Xmas time and having to hire a L, I am short on cash. Do you think it is ok to take the money back? He did tell me not to be doing the payments.
I am really torn up about these things. Tonight I found out he is playing board games. He never, ever did that before. Please give me some words of wisdom.
