Well, that's good, Andy, if you're using this place to vent and not sending "resentful" vibes to your W. I never implied you wanted to be a "couch potato"--in fact, you did express resentment of the fact you worked and helped out, but obviously your ultimate goal is some fun time with her, not down time in front of the tv! The problem stems not only from your needs, which I specified as *natural*---but from your expectations as to how your wife should interact with you.
I can actually relate to both of you! I would never be able to handle raising that amount of kids. I have one---wanted two, but since my H wasn't 100% behind that, I backed off. That's the way it is with life. Some of our dearest wishes can *never* come true, because we are dedicated to the one we chose to share our life with.
But even with only one child, I know what it's like when raising a young kid. It can feel like the two of you are work horses, each pulling to the utmost your load. You are harnessed in, and not *facing* each other. To you, unharnessing and romping through the field together seems not only natural but refreshing.
Right or wrong, your W doesn't feel the same way. She wants to unharness and go chew some oats in her own quiet stall.
It's a shame---you want to be her comfort, but she views your demands as yet another chore. You have a gift you want to share with her---yourself---but she views it as an obligation, instead of the gift it should be.
Those of us who went through our H's withdrawal from OW can completely understand that feeling of rejection and frustration.
I'm not calling you a chauvenist any more than I'm calling your wife a brat. (I reserve the right to say I found MYSELF married to a chauvenist, and I've been a total brat myself at times!! But both conditions are curable.)
For better or for worse, this is all your wife can handle at this time. Fairness is irrelevant; hopefully, some time in the future she'll kick in in ways that will surprise you. I have a feeling she will. But now is the time to surprise her, and back off. She is overwhelmed and needs the gift of space.
I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to vent here, but I became worried that the venting was backfiring instead of relieving. Obviously, only you know the whole story and can determine what resonates from our feedback.
