mlc or infidelity? how can you tell the difference

[cat03]

My mom says to not speak unless absolutely necessary or if spoken to

Again, family members mean well and she has your best interest, but this is by far the worst advice you could get. If you refuse also to communicate this gives him more "ammunition" and "good reasons" to pull away and go to ow. BE YOURSELF, speak to him, if he doesn't respond, who's the one who looks bad, you or him? Be civil, if he doesn't anwer back that's on him, the silent treatment on your end isn't helping things. He is using her as a bandaid so a wound he has.

Keep your dd on her bed, where she belongs, I'm sort of guessing it's a common occurrence, you bringing her to your bed, don't do it anymore-- aside from using her to push your H off the bed you also confuse her. My kids are never allowed to sleep w/me, even when my H isnt' home, they know my bed is mine and daddy's, they can play and watch TV on it, but no sleeping as much as they ask.

Im not separated anymore, my H came back after leaving for 7mths in which he had a PA, I only knew about it much later when it was over and he was back. I had good reasons to give him the silent treatment or shun him when he was away, he had pull the rug off my feet, was aloof, wanted a D and talked about selling our home.
But I strived, by God's grace, to return his agravations with kindness, and in the long run it paid off, he realized that in the end only I cared for him truly, when his drinking buddies and ow shove him off.

Work on your 180s, if in the past you gave him the silent treatment when he treated unkindly or gave you the silent treatment talk to him, not in a pushy way nor forceful, just carry on about your business, again, who will look bad, you or him if when you talk to him he doesnt' answer?

Your H distanced himself for a reason, I'm not trying to pull all the blame on you, but please take a hard look at how things have been going in your M. Accept the things you've done wrong and let him know, he might not believe you nor act relieved right then, but you will have make a step into healing, if not your M then at least yourself.

Get the book I suggested, and please, please, see therapist or join a womans' support group, the group (sponsered by my county) I attended was God sent, I couldn't have done it without them. Do not involve any more family members, had I know about my H's A and exposed it to my family they would've hated him forever-- that's the other reason he came back, virtually no one knew, there are tons of WAH on this board that didnt' come back because they thought too much damage had been done and that it was too late.