Well, ole Whatis kind of messed up today, but tough nuggies! I rolled over this morning and had this strong urge to hold her and ML to her. I tried, I failed, I cried. I told her that I still loved her and needed her. No repsonse, not that I expected one. I then turned away to my side of the bed and pulled myself together, then nodded off. When I awoke, W had left our bed and there was a box of tissue beside the bed. Oh, well at least that was a caring gesture! Dumb? Un DB? Probably, but I honestly don't think it is so bad for her to see the pain her actions are causing once in a while. I am so good at carrying on and keeping my spirits up, that she doesn't have that impetus to really look at what she is doing to me, our M and our family. Will this make any dif? Probably not. Will she go away with OP, yes. Once more, I have to recognize (and it's so damn hard) that our M is dead even though the shell lives on. It is really hard when your day to day life says "H and W", you sleep in the same bed, you visit friends as a couple and a family,... you know the rest. I just don't know whether I can detach emotionally enough to give her the complete freedom she needs. I try but I 'm not sure it's working if I'm still having these overwhelming urges and feelings. Anyway, she has been quite pleasant and we carry on as usual today! Weird, weird, weird. She came from a family where dad carried on an A for 20 years with the same woman and never left the mom. Mom knew, stayed and made everyone's life Hell trying to get back at Dad. THAT will not happen here. I told her once in an argument, "you can be your Dad if you want, I refuse to be your Mom". Anyway, catch you later DBers. I guess if this is the worst backslide I can do, life isn't that bad
