Ahh 1210, with the mood I am presently in, not a chance in the friggin world! It's funny how some things just leap up and tear your heart out all over again. W just left with two huge bags of presents for OP. D9 helped her carry them to the car, I could hear D calling from the door to her "I love you, have a good time". I just felt like putting my head in my hands and crying (which I will probably do sometime tonight). I felt a huge hole in my chest, honestly. The excessiveness of her gift giving sickens me and I'm sure she'll return with bags of presents from that bitch. I will be forced to watch them being opened Xmas Day! I'm so f'ing sick of being violated by this woman. I'm expected to carry on as the loving H while she f#cks around and gives me pretty much nothing. I don't blame her for expecting things to be the way they have always been. When you live a certain way you just naturally expect it to be this way, no matter what. There's no thought involved. She expects me to treat her as I always have. No thought to the pain I push aside day in and day out. Right now, I just feel like pulling the plug on this BS. I have been fighting this battle year after year now, when does it end? I've done what I can for my family and my M. I feel so defeated right now. I have a sham of an Anniversary tomorrow and then two days after Christmas I have to watch her go away with OP. I'm hurtin!
I know this to shall pass, and tomorrow is a new day. This post is just pure emotion talking but, damn it, I am a person, I deserve some f'ing love and respect. Sorry folks, tears are coming. I'll sign off now. I'll be better tomorrow. Strange how some things just jump up and bite you in the butt, or the heart.
