Forgot to mention that when I said to D "sometimes when you think you don't like to do something, if you actually try it you find it's pretty good". W said "look at your Dad, did you ever think you would see him doing BR dance?" and I said "and I'm actually enjoying it!" I also said that in the past few years I have been trying to put aside my biases and experience more new things in my life because "if you don't you end up a very dull, stagnant person".
So one more kudo from W today, it sure can't hurt!Just thought I'd share that (and we're all still talking!!!)
Good, good job...plus, I'm pleased she realized what her outbursts were doing to your D. That was excellent that you went back home to solve the issue.
Give her the frog knick-knack...it's cute, not mushy, and quite funny...it will chip some ice off the "Ice Maiden".
Resorting to a gag gift for an anniversary present is a very sad reminder to both you and W that (1) your M is not what it should be, (2) your W doesn't believe it can be what it should be. If you are in a position in which it is not appropriate to get a gift befitting the occassion, then do not get a gift. In such cases, all a gift does is highlight the problem.
If you cannot stop yourself from doing something, perhaps just tell W DIRECTLY what is going on and make a DIRECT invitation, "Celebrating our anniversary right now doesn't feel appropriate right now, but ignoring the day is odd also. How about we just celebrate our family, and I take us all out for some nice chow?"
I see what OT says about the gift, he's right, but I look at it as bringing some humor into a tense lifestyle. Humor is an ice breaker, so to speak, all that has happened with your W and D, has been stressful, so making a cute gesture without a "heavy" meaning gift or no gift at all, shows her that you thought of her.
Either way - you could always give it to your D. She liked it...
1210, I don't see it as a "gag" gift, as OT mentioned. To give a gift as a gag I think would be insensitive on such an occassion. I do see it, as you say, a light recognition of the day without any heavy romantic overtones. I think she would be amused and appreciate it. But, on the other hand it might be a good 180 for me to just let it be. The fact is that she is not interested in our M and to "celebrate" as such is a bit pathetic! Celebrating that our family is still together after 17 years is certainly something worthy of celebration. As I said, I'll give it more consideration. Thanks for giving this thought 1210.
One more thing which I forgot to mention re gifts etc. My W displays all the cards, little gifts and even the bow from a letter I gave her shortly after the "bomb". She displays last years Anniversary card, Valentines Day card etc. She keeps them all neatly arranged on her dresser! These are only things I gave her after the "bomb", not before. She has the bow taped to her dresser so it won't fall off! Is all this strange or what? I can't imagine why these things wouldn't be stashed in a drawer somewhere. But, they obviously mean something to her.
Just a quick addition to my last post. One of the items W has displayed on her dresser is a little dollar store crown. One night, six months ago, I said to the girls "tonight Mommy will be our Queen". W had been having a difficult time at work and I wanted to do something special. We went to the $ store and bought tea candles and a crown, we bought some strawberries, chocolate and a sm bottle of wine. We placed the candles around the bath tub, put on some soothing music and D said she would be "Mommy's Servant" for the night and feed her the strawberries. When W came home, after her dinner, I put the crown on her head and told her that she was "Queen of the house" and we led her upstairs to the waiting bath. So the crown is now displayed alongside my cards (which actually were just before the "bomb" in hindsight), a sm book of poetry (I gave her) and the big bow from my love letter. Every night before I go to bed I see these things sitting nicely set up and displayed. A little confusing, isn't it!
You are not lieing there brother. The good thing is that she is displaying them. She is reminded everyday of how nice and caring of a person you really are.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
1210, I love the frog too but I'm leaning towards doing nothing! She seems to like me more when I don't do anything. This week I've chosen to end the kisses goodbye in the morning, I still make a point to say goodbye but no kisses. She's been nicer to me since, even suggested a drink for my sinus infection (her culture has a soup or a drink for everything!)and showed me how to make it. That's actually acknowledging that I'm ill, WOW! So, maybe I'll stick to doing nothing (who knows). Oh tonight was last lesson of ballroom dancing and I did pretty well (for a guy who had no balance at all yesterday, thanks to the infection). It was interesting because the teacher told us that our difficulty with the dance we were doing was that we don't hold each other close enough. Interesting observation, I kind of wanted to laugh out loud!!! Well, part 2 starts in January.
