Ahh, different situations we are discussing. No, W slept in basement one night, after her tantrum of last weekend, and then came back our bed! D hogs the computer, one of the issues we are dealing with presently! Thanks for checking in and yes, AT, it is all about you, don't worry
Thanks 1210. I know she was pissed and previously I would have approached her and tried to make it better, not this time. If she can't handle the fact that a 12 year old child cannot be expected to look after her mothers feelings as if she were an adult, too bad. That's beyond what we can talk about and "make better". Btw, thanks for checking in on Sol, he was way over the top and besides, he asked for a 2 x 4, so I went to the source! It seems to have put him back on an even keel, at least for today.
Hey, I hope you don't think I'm mean...it's just that it comes natural to let others see what their behavior is doing to another...it's the perception. It really didn't help in my M b/c I was really sarcastic towards the end.
My H would always say that he could take one swing at me if he wanted to and I'd be dead...but my mouth would kill him first...no he never hit me...it was our way of destroy- ing each other.
1210, if I thought you were mean I would never ask you to visit someone. I think you just have a very amazing knack of saying what needs to be said in a very clear manner. Sorry if you thought my attempt at humour inferred you were mean. No way!
So, I'm still pondering what to do or not do for my anniversary. Today, while shopping, I picked up a little ceramic frog who is holding a flower and on his chest says "I've only got flies for you". Now, I thought that was at least a light attempt at humour to mark the occassion. I don't know whether I will give it or not but I figured for 10 bucks I'd buy it and decide. Part of me does want to acknowledge the occassion but not make a big production out of it. I also thought I'd make a reservation at a restaurant that I'd wanted to take the family to. Again, nothing romantic, just a place she and the kids have never been that has a nice assortment of Asian food. The past two years she has not even bought a card for me, let alone a present but I felt that it meant something to me so I would do something regardless of what she did. Last year I gave her a card (no gift) and she suggested the family dinner idea. Part of me thinks that maybe by not acknowledging it that I am doing a 180 (she will be expecting something for sure). It just feels bad inside to do this, it's my anniversary too! I don't know. Anyone's thoughts on this would be appreciated.
I was thinking about your sitch regarding your anniversary. If you're not sure about the gift, at least do the family dinner thing! Just enjoy your time as a family having a nice meal in a nice setting. Also do it for you, since it means something. That's just me looking in as an outsider - my 2 cents. Keep it simple.
And thanks for the 2 x 4! I needed it!!!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I had an interesting family meeting today with D12 and W (youngest was excluded as issues did not include her). W told D12 that "your Dad has been really trying to be patient and work with you, I have not been doing so well" This little get together was due to a falling out I had with D12 this morning. I left angrily for Church and half way there decided I did not want to leave things that way and came home. W actually suggested the meeting. It went really well and all the bad feelings turned to better feelings. I told D that I will try not to make angry decisions re consequences, but think first. W said "your father is actually much better at that than I am" and I asked D to be honest with me if my responses/attitude etc causes problems between us, I said I was open to looking at my part in any difficulties and would appreciate it if she would try to be honest. W said to D "I would like you to do the same with me, but just realize that I do not handle criticism very well and may get angry but I always will think about what you've said. I'll do my best here" Hey, it's not a complete turn around but at least W has said, in front of all of us, that she recognizes what has been happening. Her acknowledgement of my contribution to the good of our childrearing was appreciated. D12 also came up with a plan to change her part in the current unrest! On my way to church that morning I was thinking "how much sh!t can I put up with. I've got my W fooling around on me, my D's a pain in the @ss, it's Xmas bedlam, and I'm still feeling sick!" That's called re-framing in a bad way! I decided I needed to go home and straighten out what I could straighten out. W asked why I had come home and I said "I left angrily and I do not like to do that, so I came back to deal with things". So everybody seems happy with the results of our meeting...for today
