I know it’s habit, KAW. I guess my question is rhetorical. And you said:
Quoting KAW: I think the rest of us here are seeing the little changes in her you haven't recognized yet. She is coming around slowlee.
Actually, I think there are major changes that you don’t see but I do. That’s because there are subtle things that I don’t necessarily post, and there are major things that you’d have to pour through all of my threads – and probably other people’s threads to find.
We’ve come a long way, KAW. And that’s why it hits me so hard when she reverts to her old behavior. I’ve made changes in my behavior, and it did indeed provoke changes in hers.
She makes a lot more effort to do things with me. She’s still stuck in the mindset that it’s wrong to put “too much” effort in that. Hence the knee-jerk reaction sometimes.
I think you were there when I posted that she said I was patient with her. It’s very frustrating when she reverses that stance by getting impatient with the fact that I want to spend more time with her.
Quoting KAW: It appears your W would like to have some time by herself at home . In the above senerio I was going to mention if it would be possible the next time she goes out, would it be possible to take the kids out as well and arrange it so your W comes home first to a quiet house for a change
W is a stay-at-home mom. Our kids are all in school, so 5 days a week, she can come and go as she pleases. If she wants to come home to a quiet house, all she has to do is go for a walk around the block
Thanks for all of your advice, KAW. But I have other stresses too, and I honestly don’t think I can handle much more. Y’know something? I work long hours and still spend much of my evenings and weekends trying to help (dishes, clean doggy-doo, wash floors) I’m not perfect, but I really try hard. And I do spend time with the kids. Not all the fun stuff either. S#2 sticks like me like a dirty shirt when W isn’t there. Of course, she doesn’t see that, but it’s true.
I’m not gonna do less. Whenever I can, I will do more. But overall, I have to agree with Mattie. I’m really doing all I can at the moment.
Your suggestion that I negotiate me-with-kids time against time with her doesn’t strike me as something I want to do. It strikes me as using the kids as a bargaining tool. I know you don’t mean it that way, but it doesn’t feel right for me.
I don’t want to wheel and deal for her time. My time with my kids is for them and me. My time with W is for her and me. I don’t want to turn it into a business transaction. Know what I mean?
