I will be a true DBer here and act "as if" I wasn't just locked out of my thread again! Time for a report on dance lesson #11. yes, we went and it was the nicest night we’ve had yet! Go figure. W was very supportive and helpful despite my brain freeze in the last half hour. It felt like shell shock, I looked around and saw other guys standing there with blank, dazed looks on their faces, some just wandering aimlessly. We guys are all going to need therapy after this to recover! On a positive note, my W even told the instructor that she had been throwing me off by missing steps. Wow, there's a first! I guess she is deep in the guilt phase after what happened on the weekend. After the class we went home and joined in lambasting the kids for not doing any of the chores they had been assigned before we left. Ahh, sweet harmony! There has to be a better way. Anyway, on a humorous note (as some say they enjoy my daughter stories), D9 rushes to the door before we went to dance class and said “Mommy, when you come home can I see your shoes?” Mom asks “Why?” and D replies “I’m keeping a chart of all the times daddy steps on your feet, last week I counted 12 scuff marks!” W just burst out laughing. I’m just so glad to be able to keep my kid so motivated!!!!
Well you and Muddle are starting to scare me with your guys thought process. Starting to become too close in similarities...LOL.
Quote: D9 rushes to the door before we went to dance class and said “Mommy, when you come home can I see your shoes?” Mom asks “Why?” and D replies “I’m keeping a chart of all the times daddy steps on your feet, last week I counted 12 scuff marks!” W just burst out laughing.
That is funny as he11. My son says some of the funniest things as well. I am glad that you two had a great night dancing. By the way we did not here how many scuff marks from last night....
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
I read an interesting passage in a book tonight. It basically said that unless you acknowledge that you do have a choice to leave your M you won't be able to commit to being there. Many of us say we can't leave cuz of the kids, the commitment we made, finances etc. but that only puts us in a position where resentment can take over, we can't truly be happy where we are until we acknowledge that YES we can leave, but we CHOOSE not to. There's my thought for the night. Oh, and OSU, D counted 16 scuff marks last night. She's very poor at math
A quick thought on PMA. I once had a friend who was single and he wanted a R. He told me that he estimated, from experience, that one out of every ten women he asked out would say YES. So, whenever he asked a woman out and she said NO he felt happy because that meant he was one step closer to the one that would say YES! He said that sometimes he would even ask women he didn't want to go out with, so they would say NO and he would be that much closer to #10! I remember thinking to myself "that is one insane man" but, you know, there is method to his madness. Think about it, guys!!!PMA, it's whatever we choose to make it.
Just a quick thought/question in response to your very good point on PMA:
In relationship, there is a sort of balance that both parties work to regulate. I question whether, by maintaining a positive outlook on the relationship, we are unknowingly causing/allowing/ispiring the our spouse to think and consequently believe the polar opposite. The important thing to remember is to keep our whole lives in our focus - maintaining a positive outlook on it, rather than a myopic view of our relationship and the significance it has. Once we allow it to eclipse the importance of our entire lives, our PMA with regard to the R has little value in the totality of our lives. It puts us on a quest to save our lives by saving our relationship. Let go, focus on the other details that make up the big picture. The stranglhold you have on your relationship will not help you save it - no matter how it is you are trying to control it. However, once you are living towards making the totality of your life something wonderful, it and you will be very attractive to another - quite likely your current spouse.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Whatisis, hey, I was wondering if I could contact you via email? I got some private matters that I need to discuss. My sitch has just gotten more complicated and I need to "talk" about this. Thanks!
Sol, I appreciate your confidence but I feel uncomfortable making comments and giving advice without the chance for others to jump in. So, if you feel comfortable about posting your issues I will certainly respond. I just like for others to be able to give you their perspectives as well. I'd hate to feel responsible for messing up your sitch with dumb advice! Sometimes one persons not so good idea sparks a better one from someone else. So please post away, my friend. I trust you understand.
Thanks! I'm sure that I can get better advice this way too, now that I think about it. It's just that my daughter's welfare is first and foremost on my mind, and I don't want to mess anything up right.
I'll post soon in my thread as I gather my thoughts!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
You are absolutely correct Muddle. I believe PMA is accomplished by recognizing the totality of your life, not just the R. I've mentioned before that sometimes when I go for a run I'm feeling like my life sucks and when I'm done I'm counting my blessings. I'm looking way beyond the M when I do that counting. We must look beyond the R because our lives are far more than that R, if it isn't, whether you are happy or not, you are limiting your own life experience, happiness and setting yourself up for some real misery. Thanks for the good thoughts!
Quote: We must look beyond the R because our lives are far more than that R, if it isn't, whether you are happy or not, you are limiting your own life experience, happiness and setting yourself up for some real misery.
I just HAD to respond to your post! I just posted these exact same thoughts on my thread!!!! I had a revelation, and it's my own choice to be happy. I saw my W's funk today and it quickly helped me to see the light! I don't ever want to be as miserable as she is!!! I feel bad for her, now, but I still validated what or how she is feeling and I am still showing compassion to her. It is hard on me, but everyday I do this I am getting one step closer to my goal - to have a better R with her.
