HELP!!! H now wants to try

[inpain_dup1]

I cannot seem to stop my mind going over and over the fact that we haven't ML yet. Not even the sort of kissing that could lead to it at some point. This is really getting me down. I'm struggling to keep acting as if I'm happy with the whole sitch without physical contact. I don't see how H can decide if he wants to stay or not without ML. Its just not real without it. It is not a M without it. H even said himself we are not a couple yet and when I asked what he meant he meant because we don't ML. I feel like I must be some sort of wierdo or something - I can't seem to stop thinking about it and yet it doesn't seem to cross H's mind at all. I keep trying to focus on what I am getting not what I'm not getting but there seem to be so many more reminders of what I'm not getting. For instance this morning when H finished work in the early hours and he got into bed - he didn't cuddle up to me - he used to love doing that. I'm still freaking out everytime he goes to work in case he comes home and says he's leaving like he did the day of the bomb. The longer he lives here the harder it is to detach and the less detached I become the more I seem to be hurting in this "lets see how things go" sitch. Any advice anyone?