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Why is it necessary for her to slap me in the face (figuratively) before ceding to my request? I just don’t get it.


HABIT!

After reacting that way for ... what? ... 2+ years?, it became a knee jerk reaction - a reflex. The important thing here though is she recognized her own reaction, felt bad about it and wanted to change it. It will take time for her to break the reflex, but it should gradually get better. It also sounds like it worked to express your feeling as well. How else would it be possible for her to cede to your request in the first place?

A couple days ago you posted to Racheal:
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So now, when I get home, W is out. I don’t know when she’ll return, but I do know that the kids will be all over her, and there’s no place for me. And like you, if I want a slice of her time, I come off as selfish.
I was going to say something then, but let it go as you seem to be getting ... well ... frustrated. But that was wrong because it repeated itself again last night in a variant form. It appears your W would like to have some time by herself at home . In the above senerio I was going to mention if it would be possible the next time she goes out, would it be possible to take the kids out as well and arrange it so your W comes home first to a quiet house for a change?

As far as her request last night with the outcome resulting in the call this morning (of course hindsight is always 20-20), next she make such a request, maybe lighthearedly negotiate a trade ... I'll take the kids, if you can perhaps finds some time for us to ________ . Better yet, next beat her to the punch and offer to take the kids out and see if she is willing to make a counteroffer soon after.

I'm glad you were able to work through this rough spot Andy, I think the rest of us here are seeing the little changes in her you haven't recognized yet. She is coming around slowlee.

Last edited by KAW; 10/11/02 02:13 PM.