I noticed that the more my H gave, the more i wanted and the more I looked at what I didn't have. It's just ol' human nature. It is a bad habit, of wanting more and faster, so keep that in mind and pace yourself.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Quote: I noticed that the more my H gave, the more i wanted and the more I looked at what I didn't have
I think you're right Cat. H keeps telling me to chill out and act normal but he obvioulsy forgets things aren't normal. I feel like I'm walking around under a cloud of uncertainty the whole time. I'm exstatic if he kisses me or something but it doesn't last long - like you say I want more all the time - I just want an end to the bad time in our M and get onto the good part. (I know this is part of the good part if he decides to stay - I just hate feeling so insecure its like I feel sick the whole time)
Me 34
H 33
S2
Together 10yrs
Married 6yrs
Bomb 12th Aug 06
I can see how this is killing you. You have waited for a long time. but,it seems like your husband is being careful. I have been separated from my H for 10 months. Emotional abuse. He has not contacted me during that time. I got desperate last week and called and asked him to have intimacy with me. He said no thanks.
Yeah it is hard but, be careful you may push him away.
I have been reading some posts. I always thought that men could just want the sex without emotions being involved. I thought that was what women felt.
In a way I am now glad that my husband said no because if we had come together next day it would have been back to same.
It's best to wait till it is right then it will be real.
I have been reading some posts. I always thought that men could just want the sex without emotions being involved. I thought that was what women felt.
yeah - me too. I think you're right it probably was for the best your H didn't agree - I would feel used if that happened to me. You're also right I need to wait for it to come from H so its real. It is just so hard and I'm so frightened that I'm going to get used to him being around and he'll go.
I have thought a lot about things that have been said the last few days and realise I have been looking at the negatives again.
Here are the positives so I can refer back to them!
1. H said he has no intention of moving back out 2. H said he wants it to end well too (ie the current sitch) 3. H is kissing me on the lips when he leaves the house 4. I hugged H today while he was washing up and he didn't pull away 5. He says he needs time - he isn't exactly saying he's going to stay but all the things he is saying point to it
Me 34
H 33
S2
Together 10yrs
Married 6yrs
Bomb 12th Aug 06
But, you must be strong. I have some good days especially when I am busy with work and family. But, on days when I don't work and just stay home it is hard. I used to crave my home.Then I was able to let go. My children are grown but, I left pets behind and since I work from home it is hard. I now only have a one bedroom apartment my bedroom is office also. But, I know that God will provide.
I have put my situation in his hands. I make my mistakes but, I take it to him.
It is hard to understand some things sometimes. Like your husband just easy slowly into things. You are ready on your end to go right for it. But, if he just jumped into it how would that make you feel? I mean what would happen after that jumping in? What if you had not dealt with the problems yet?
I am glad my husband didn't say yes to me. It was just a moment for me. I asked him what am I supposed to do now? He said what I am doing nothing.And I know that he is doing nothing. My greatest fear is not another woman but, brainwashing.
I know what you mean about H just jumping in but I do feel that we have resolved all the issues that led up to him leaving. Maybe he hasn't I don't know because he can't even say himself what is stopping him from saying he's back for good. He just says "I just need time" I just want to scream at him and say but time for what? It must be for something!
I'm so sorry about your sitch - sounds really rough. What do you mean you are frightened of brainwashing? Does H have some friends or family "guiding" him??
Me 34
H 33
S2
Together 10yrs
Married 6yrs
Bomb 12th Aug 06
I cannot seem to stop my mind going over and over the fact that we haven't ML yet. Not even the sort of kissing that could lead to it at some point. This is really getting me down. I'm struggling to keep acting as if I'm happy with the whole sitch without physical contact. I don't see how H can decide if he wants to stay or not without ML. Its just not real without it. It is not a M without it. H even said himself we are not a couple yet and when I asked what he meant he meant because we don't ML. I feel like I must be some sort of wierdo or something - I can't seem to stop thinking about it and yet it doesn't seem to cross H's mind at all. I keep trying to focus on what I am getting not what I'm not getting but there seem to be so many more reminders of what I'm not getting. For instance this morning when H finished work in the early hours and he got into bed - he didn't cuddle up to me - he used to love doing that. I'm still freaking out everytime he goes to work in case he comes home and says he's leaving like he did the day of the bomb. The longer he lives here the harder it is to detach and the less detached I become the more I seem to be hurting in this "lets see how things go" sitch. Any advice anyone?
Me 34
H 33
S2
Together 10yrs
Married 6yrs
Bomb 12th Aug 06
If this was happening to me I would feel that he has not let go of something yet. I am not saying there is something but, this is what I would feel.
In my case Inpain brainwashing has come from his church. I used to attend there. The pastor is very dominant. It is not a cult but, because it is a small group he gets involved in their lives too much. When I attended there some of us were called into secret meetings and told who to talk to or not. If you leave that church you are not helped. Since I left that church I am not part of the circle. My husband changed over the years. Everytime I think of when it was better it is pre this church. I called his pastors for counseling I was told that they couldn't counsel with us and that my husband had gone on with his life.This is what they have put in his head. I didn't cheat or do anything else to warrant being told that he is not sure if he loves me or not. That he loves me with the love of the Lord.
Work on yourself . Keep your head up. For I always knew that my husband wanted a strong woman. I became too weak and consumed with depression. Let your husband see a strong woman not a doormat.
