Oh, yeah, been there, done that!! I felt that whatever my H was feeling was definiately his problem. If he had the gall to suggest to me that try to figure out why my desire was so low, I would get very angry. "Who says I have the problem? Maybe it's you that has the problem!" Yikes.
I've been racking my brain to try and remember what triggered my change in attitude. I know it was during a conversation we had one night, but I can't for the life of me remember much about it now. That was two years ago. I do remember being angry -- yet again -- but in the morning I felt different -- we felt different together. I can't explain the feeling, but there was this "thing" between us that had never been there before. I didn't like it. I asked my H if he felt it. He said he did and didn't like it. I made the decision that very day to change things. Shortly thereafter my H told me he had fallen in love with me all over again, and that I'd "saved his life." We spent hours upon hours talking and making love. I figure it was somewhere between 2-3 weeks after that "conversation" and during our wonderful "reconnection" that my H started his PA. I still don't understand that. I will never understand that. It still hurts me to the core to relive that time.
I think you're doing everything you can at this point, Andy. It really is up to your W. I hope she comes to her senses before it's "too late." I don't mean that in the sense that you'd betray her -- I know you wouldn't -- but I do know that day by day you are losing some of that "specialness" that you had between you. And I know that words can be difficult to take back. I apparently said the same thing you W said to you, "I wouldn't care if I never had sex again." I don't remember having said that, but my H sure does. And no matter how things have changed, I know he will never forget those words.
And, I will always remember my H telling me he didn't think he loved me anymore; wasn't committed to me; wasn't sure he wanted to be married to me anymore; was in love with the EA. Well, happily all that turned out to be untrue. I KNOW those words were not true (I knew it at the time they were said), but the fact is they were said and they "HURT," and I will never forget that he spoke them. I would never have imagined my H being capable of saying those things to me. I know that he wishes he could take those words back, just as I wish I could take back the ones I spoke that hurt him so deeply. Can't be done. Have to live with them.
Just don't let words and feelings from the past defeat your present and future, Andy. I'm a living testiment that people change.
