HELP!!! H now wants to try

[inpain_dup1]

I feel like such an idiot. I've wanted H to just try for four long months and now he is I seem to be messing it all up. I broke down in tears right in front of him today because he doesn't want to kiss me. He said he needs time. I said I was sorry and that I know he does but that I just don't understand why and that it is really hard doing all this knowing he doesn't fancy me. He gave me a really big hug and said that it isn't that he doesn't fancy me physically but that its inside his head he needs to sort out. I don't understand at all - I'm really trying to but in my head if you find someone attractive you want to kiss them. I told him I was scared that we are getting on so well (he agreed we are) and that his head won't get sorted out and then we'd still be over. He said there are no guarantees and he thought I said I didn't care how long it took. I said I don't its just that I want us to be back together and I don't know what he wants. He said he wants us to be back together too otherwise he would have moved back out by now. He said he doesn't class us as back together he classes us as trying to work things out. Can any of you help me understand what he means by saying he fancies me but its inside his head that's stopping him kissing me (or anything else) I just know I'm going to ruin everything if I can't get a grip on this but I'm just so attracted to him and the fact we are getting on so well makes me want to kiss him more and more. When I'm in the same room I feel like screaming because I can't go near him. I don't know how long this separate rooms thing and no kissing is going to last and I'm not sure I can take it for very long. He's only been back two weeks and I already can't stand it. This is so much harder than being separated and now I've had him back I'm terrified of him leaving if he can't sort this stumbling block in his head out. If he wants us to be together and finds me attractive I just really really don't get it why he doesn't just do it. He said he's enjoying being home and enjoying us getting on and considering each other and for me to just calm down and relax and act normal. But to me it isn't normal to be married and get on great and find each other attractive but not kiss or cuddle or ML so this is a contradiction in terms. I know its Christmas and everyone's busy but if anyone has been through this particular problem from either view point I'd really appreciate some help before I push him back out the door. Thanks

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