Quote: No I haven’t acknowledged that this is my problem. I don’t believe that it is solely my problem. I’m the one with the sense of rejection, and in that respect it is, but that aspect of it must be dealt with privately. As a matter of fact, she’s told me that. So to “open up” would imply that there’s something she can do to help, thus moving it to the realm of “couple issues.”
I think this is moving into the area Michelle covers in the section of about who's right/who's wrong. In the end, it doesn't matter. To move you beyond that, you do not have to believe it is you problem. You are validating that you understand it is her preception that "it is you problem and she can't fix it so you must on your own." However, the purpose of the talk is an attempt to subtly shift that perception from "I’m forcing my issues back on her."
to one where she can help you fix it just by listening . The goal here is to be able to share each others issues without the perception the other has to fix it.
Previously KAW posted:
Quote: ... and add at the end, "Thanks for listening. It really does help."
To which Andy replied: "... I won't lie to her and tell her that all I want is to be heard."
... but if you reach the intermediate goal of being able to share how you feel with your W without her negative perceptions wouldn't that make you feel better than you do now? ... so it really does help if she listens and you are not lying to her. The thing is too, if your W starts to believe that she can help you just by listening, it would probably make her feel better about herself too.
Keep in mind JJ didn't mean for you to bombard her with a list of issues. This is just one more thing you can add to your "hit & run" arsenal. Simply state, "I know it is my problem, but it would help to share with you ... State your issue ... I know you think it is my problem, but thanks for listening, it really did help." then walk away with a smile on your face. Watch for a couple of days to see if the effect changes anything. If there are no negative effects, try another "hit & run" and watch again.
Just remember, you told me to keep throwing them out there ...
