HELP!!! H now wants to try

[inpain_dup1]

Thank you both for your helpful comments and suggestions.

I suppose he probably will be scared about it too. My trouble is I've wanted to the whole time he was gone obviously because I'm in a different place to him. At first he said he wouldn't because it wasn't right under the circumstances and then when he said he wanted to D he said that those sort of feelings for me had just gone. Now he's changed his mind and wants to try I don't know what that means with regards to his feelings on ML.

I think I will maybe try the holding hands thing you have suggested and see if he pulls away. He did hug me today though. I was comforting S who'd hurt himself and H stood behind me and cuddled us both. It felt lovely to have his arms round me and he squeezed tight for what felt like ages. Think he maybe only did it because I was holding S though - don't think it would have happened otherwise. Maybe he saw it as an opportunity to start working up to more?

Slipped and had a mini R talk today kind of. H keeps going on about buying a car and I can't really say what I truly think on the subject without talking R. I said it was a big decision under the circumstance because I didn't know what he's thinking. He asked what I meant so I just said I didn't know if he had decided yes I'm going to try to make this M work or if he had just thought well I'll move home and see how it goes. He said that obviously he was looking at it positively otherwise there would be no point bothering. I think that sounds very positive do you?? It sounded to me like he meant he was hoping it would work.

He has also hinted today he's getting me something I'll love for Christmas - another baby step I think.

I have just dropped him and his friend off for his work Christmas night out and he just got out the car and said see you tomorrow (he's staying at a colleagues to save taxi fare) I felt really upset by this. As it turned out he'd left his wallet in the car and called me to turn back. When he leaned into the car to get it he squeezed my hand and told me not to stress in a really caring voice. I think this too is a baby step as one of our recurring problems has been that I feel very insecure when he goes out and used to get upset. I didn't show I was upset at all and told him to have a good time. When we were saying what each of us hoped for our "new" M I said that if he reassured me that I was special to him and said something nice when he was going out I'd probably feel a whole lot easier about it. I think his squeezing my hand means he has listened and tried to do something about it!!

Last night he was on the computer and I'd been reading in the same room. I just got up and said I'm going to bed, night. He didn't really look up from the computer. A couple of minutes after I'd got in bed he popped his head round the door and said see you in the morning OK.

All in all I feel a bit better today and feel he is trying.