Quoting Stephanep: Sounds like she's in "zombie" mode and what is needed is perhaps a sort of reality check. But what?
But there’s no such thing as reality, Steph. That’s the cornerstone of my thinking right now. If she was open to my “reality”, then we could discuss my feelings. And frankly, just because she doesn’t believe in my “reality” doesn’t make her a zombie. I don’t believe her “reality” in a lot of cases either, do I?
Quoting Stephanep: Sorry about the poor quality here, I'm struggling myself with some of this!
I’ve posted to your thread. I think I have to take my own advice here.
Lisa,
You can’t take your statement back as long as you still believe it. Working on your R does not require that you be false to him or yourself. But what you can do is to make the statement false. Then you can take it back. Actually, once you get those lost feelings back, it may not even be necessary to retract your statement. It may become obvious to him.
So how do you make your statement untrue?
You reach way back into your memory of the feelings you had before it became true. You ignore any self-talk that tries to tell you the reasons you lost those feelings. Every time you make love, get lost in the beauty of the moment, and afterwards, you snuggle up close to him and just feel the comfort of his warm body. Run your finger over his chest and tell him you love him.
As for me, I’m not hurting so much anymore. As I mentioned to Steph, I’m taking my own advice, and that includes what I just posted to you.
JJ,
No I haven’t acknowledged that this is my problem. I don’t believe that it is solely my problem. I’m the one with the sense of rejection, and in that respect it is, but that aspect of it must be dealt with privately. As a matter of fact, she’s told me that. So to “open up” would imply that there’s something she can do to help, thus moving it to the realm of “couple issues.”
She’s told me that things are better. It’s extremely important that she continue to believe that. All the “I” talk in the world would not stop her from thinking that I’m forcing my issues back on her.
I think that for now, I should avoid doing something different. It really seems like any attempt to do something different has the danger of going back to more of the same (180+180). Even if it’s different, I have to be sensitive to W’s perception that it’s more of the same.
KAW,
I understand what you and JJ are saying, but I won't lie to her and tell her that all I want is to be heard. If it was true, then I'd do it. But I want more. So, it comes back to a personal issue for me. I have to be OK with the status quo, and decide how long I can accept things the way they are.
I guess I already posted my decision to Mattie. I'll wait a lifetime if I have to. But I won't give up hope that things will get better. That's the paradox.
It’s not so bad right now, do I think I’ll just go with the flow.
