Quote:

Have you ever tried to start out with, "Honey, I know that this is my problem, and that I need to deal with it. I feel hurt because .....". Explain what's going on in your head and heart, in a way where she doesn't need to defend herself (and don't give her the chance to if she tries). Lots of "I" stuff, no "you" stuff. Then, again, at the end, "Honey, I know that this is my problem, and that I need to deal with it."


... and add at the end, "Thanks for listening. It really does help."

This validates that you are not looking for her to do anything, to change anything or fix anything. That listening to you is all the support you need (for now... ). It will make it safer for her as well.