I don’t know to what extent W knows I’m hurting. I haven’t left it up to mind reading, though. But whenever I’ve told her of my feelings, it was received as criticism of her, and she got defensive.
On various occasions, she’s told me that she has no libido, and that if we never make love again, she wouldn’t miss it. She’s told me that it doesn’t matter if it’s me, Brad Pitt, or the Pope, it doesn’t make any difference. It’s gone. When I told her what a wonderful bonding experience I thought love making was, her response was, “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that.”
Much later, as things got worse (in that department), W broached the subject again to tell me that, “You’ve always put way too much importance on sex.”
So you see, Mattie. She’s not reading my mind at all. She can’t put herself into my shoes. From her perspective, it’s not important, and I have to grow up and understand that.
If she does know how much I’m hurting, she simply feels it’s my problem.
Having said that, I also understand that her feelings change over time and that she may be more sympathetic. But I can’t initiate another heart-to-heart. They’ve hurt me worse than the rejection.
