Quoting Jamesjohn: When a parent spends so much time being a "parent", it's pretty easy for them to lose their identity as a "person". Especially for a Mom, and especially for a Mom of a child with special needs.
I’m sure you know that I’ve been keenly aware of this for a long time. It’s particularly true for stay-at-home moms like my W, but it’s also something I can relate to on a personal level as a try-to-do-whatever-I-can dad.
I once asked W what I could do to make her feel special to me. Her answer was to help more around the house. Huh??? What about flowers? What about cutesy cards? What about hugs and kisses? I just didn’t understand.
I asked my sister about this and she said, “Y’know, Andy. Helping her shows that you understand what she’s going through.” What a revelation that was! I thought that if I helped “too much”, it would make her think that I thought she can't “handle it.”
Duh! That was a big lesson in
Quoting Jamesjohn: … not from your perceptions, but from what HER perceptions might be?
But you’ve really made me think, JJ.
Quoting Jamesjohn: What things might you be able to do, that you're not doing now, to help her reinforce good thoughts of herself as a woman, and as a person beyond the defined roles of a mother, and of a wife?
What might I be able to do that I’m not doing now.
I think I’ve been too stuck on giving her the space to step out of the defined roles of mother and wife. I’m not saying that I’ve necessarily done a bang-up job of the space thing, but that’s been the focus of my meager attempts.
Gotta ruminate on what I can do that I’m not doing now.
