In your case, it's simply a matter of time. The lightbulb thing won't happen any more than it did for me. And you've really nailed it wrt Adrian's perception needing to catch up with reality.
It didn't take weeks for this to happen to my W. It didn't take months. It took YEARS!
I don't wanna discourage you, Rachael, but that's what this slowlee slowlee thing is all about.
But, Adrian is learning quickly. I can see that because despite the horrible idea that he got that you were turning his kids against him, he recovered so quickly!
He's noticed, Rachael. All you have to do at this point is to be as consistent as you can so he will truly believe it.
KAW,
You've restated my point exactly. I started off by subverting my needs to her as much as humanly (or at least Andy-ly) possible.
Perhaps that was a true change for me because I have a real aversion to pushing. So for me, it is not OK to push. Not even some of the time.
But I'm not above a gentle nudge from time to time.
The prime directive will always be to do what works and stop doing what doesn't. It seems to me that the worse your sit is, the easier it is to find specific techniques that work for you.
You can't throw it all away when things get better. That would be a definite 360. So in that context, DB is for life.
But I feel stalled. I can't really articulate it, but I know things can be better.
I feel kinda selfish because I'm thinking about what's missing in the R for me, but I know that if I can find the missing link, W will be happier too.
Your "ready to walk away" idea definately isn't for me. Even if I could get my mind around it, I'm honour bound to my family.
At this point, it's moot anyway. I truly think that W and I are both committed to OR.
Seems to be more a matter of what form that R will take.
