Quote: I can’t start pushing, can I? In that sense 180+180=360.
The analogy of a 180 is not to be taken literally as the solution. Yes, initially we have to make an extreme change to break their long standing preception of our patterns of behavior. But once we have convinced them the orginal patterns are destroyed, we cannot fall into the danger of creating new pattern with extreme 180's. Once the patterns are broken, then:
it is OK to push ... just don't start a pattern of pushing ... it is OK to need ... just don't start a pattern of needing ... it is OK to want ... just start don't a pattern of wanting ...
It is human to be all these things at some time, we only get in trouble when we get stuck in a rut of repeating it over and over. Doing just a 180 does not achieve the desired outcome, it is just a catalyst to start the process in the right direction. We need to moderate our behavior in order to prevent being stuck in our 180 or reverting back to the way we were as 360.
Again, I didn't mean for you to take the " love, but not in love " statement literally, but rather what it represents. Every S that turns away from R had to change their preceptions of how they feel towards their partner in order to detach themselves from the R. In order for them to turn back to R, these preceptions need to be changed again. While your W may never gave you the “I’m not in love with you” line, she had to change something about how she feels in order to once be OK with living "parallel" lives. As you said something is missing and IMHO, how she preceives her feelings towards you should not be overlooked.
Andy, I just had a light bulb go on in re: parallel lives...
Quote: My W believes that the only way we can get respite is to take turns. That doesn’t fit with the kind of respite I want.
If you were able to change her perception about above, it would go a long way to bringing you closer together!!!
