Gosh, I wish I had some useful advice. I'm just trying to get through all the anger and venom just like your husband. Sometimes I compare it to letting out poison. That there's this poison in me that needs to dump out.
Somehow you need to keep telling him (over and over and over) that it's not that you "treated him" a certain way. But that what happened has nothing to do with him but a weakness or temporary insanity that occured in you.
One problem I've noticed with affairs. Those of us cheated on do keep asking the same questions over and over and we get stuck on certain things. And the one who did the cheating thinks that answering the question two of three times should help (and for most things it does!), and they're ready to move on. But really I think sometimes the one cheated on just needs to hear it over and over and over a million times. Endless reassurance. I know it's not logical and kind of tedious, but I think that might be what's needed.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
