I am controlling myself beyond belief right now. I'm not sure how I'm doing it from day to day. I have played out numerous scenes in my head of what I could do to him, like something out of the Sopranos......but this just keeps me entertained and helps to cope. I grit my teeth when I think of him. Plus, my W knows that I can blow a gasket and see him if I wanted to - she doesn't want that, and made me promise to be "good".
I am trusting my W for now and taking her word that it is over between them, and we both made compromises that I would not hurt him (with his info) and she would not continue to be unfaithful. She keeps re-assuring me that she will not mess around, and has shown it by her actions. She is basically begging me to trust her. I still would like to see how this all plays out, but I too want him completely out of the picture and for her to end all ties with him for what he did. He knew my W was M, and he messed around with her any way, they both knew they did wrong!!!
I am looking ahead, it's hard to do, but there is no point in wasting my time and energy thinking of the past. It hurts when I do, but I just want to move on right now, I'm tired of fighting, and worrying, and being in a funk when I know I can have a better life. If all goes down the tubes, I know I will meet someone else and be happy. I have already tasted a bit of "freedom" from being away on my trip, and I have met other people that want to be in a committed R. At the same time I am showing my W what she will miss out on if she leaves. If that happens, then I am ready to accept it and just say to myself "good riddance!" I don't want any of this crap, but I am biding my time. I have to, I can't rush it or give ultimatums if I want her to stay.
It takes a lot of work to rebuild our R. But I believe it is worth it in the end.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
