Definitely. You need to validate like crazy. Reaffirm what you say, don't sound desperate, show compassion. As a husband who was cheated on, I need this daily from my W, though not so much anymore. I have to look deep inside myself to forgive her and move on, and it helps if she is remorseful though I have not heard that from her yet. My W seems to want to commit to our R, and shows it by being more compromising when it comes to ML, spending time together, and calling me (but not all the time). I felt dirty, I despised myself, and I couldn't stand the thought of her cheating, especially when I read her emails about how "in love" she was with OM. Bottom line - it hurt, and it was a deep hurt. That's how we feel, or felt.
So do confirm this, but I would do it when you notice him doubtful, down, or looking sad. Otherwise, when he asks, confirm and validate. He will also be angry at times, I am. That's not a good time to talk about your R or the A since it will escalate. Basically you know the best times to show him your loving actions. As husbands we need that! And it does help, but it has to be part of your DBing, and if it works just keep doing it, whatever doesn't work then do something different. You also need to help him with GAL, but I am very glad to see that you are on these boards!
Keep it up!
Don't sound desperate - that's one that I have to focus on. I think I'm ending up sounding whiney. (I HATE that!)
As for ML - we went at it for awhile there. But now, he's no longer taking the initiative and wants me to do everything. But right in the middle of it - he'll bring up "did you do that for OM?" Not very conducive ML. I get frustrated and stop. And then there's a huge disappointment and loss of connection. He admitted this morning that it's his fault for letting it happen - that if he really wanted to ML, then he wouldn't let his head go there.... So I guess that is a step in the right direction.
He is afraid. He thinks that I'll let another A happen. He feels unsafe phsyically and mentally. I keep telling him that there is nothing. All contact with OM and anyone who knows about it is FINAL and COMPLETE. But he says that since he'll never know for sure....he can never trust me.
