I’m not trying to reduce my R to mathematics, Lily. I was just using it to illustrate my current dilemma.
All I’m trying to say is that I’ve been doing “something different” for quite awhile now. I’ve made more headway than a lot of people. But there’s still something missing. The 180+180 analogy was only supposed to illustrate that I can’t do any more 180’s. I stopped pushing W – at least as well as I could. But it didn’t take me all the way.
I can’t start pushing, can I? In that sense 180+180=360.
Maybe all this means that I’ve arrived. Maybe I’ve done all I could, and this is as good as it gets. Dunno.
KAW,
My W never gave me the “I’m not in love with you” line. I don’t think she ever believed that. Even if she did, I don’t think that’s her mindset right now.
I said in my initial post that my summary was an oversimplification. You have to bear in mind that it would take waaaaaaaaaay too much storage on this BB to really put all of the nuances to print.
I’d love for her to have a lightbulb moment as you described. I’ve seen it happen on these boards too. But it ain’t gonna happen for me.
Fact is, our life is stressful. Everyone’s life is, but as I’ve said before, we just don’t get any respite. So we have to take it where we can find it. For W, that means getting as far away from it as much as she can.
Something I’ve posted before is that anyone who isn’t a complete a**hole is willing to give to others. The problem is that we do not tend to give other people (and especially our spouse) what they want but we will bend over backwards to give them what we want.
My W would be perfectly willing to give me all the space and time I could wish for in order to help me relax in the midst of all of our home stress. I could go out with whomever I wanted, and as often as I wanted. My W is not a selfish b*tch!
My W believes that the only way we can get respite is to take turns. That doesn’t fit with the kind of respite I want.
Dunno if this makes sense to you, but I’m gonna stop rambling now.
