Quote: Well, in that case find a way to validate him useing you and us.
Never get defensive.
If you tried using I statement switch it up a little bit.
Like I said. "I understand how YOU feel" Or I can understand why you feel that way. Or Yes I was a "Fill in the blank".
Just do not give him anything to argue about. If you agree with him then he can not argue. But you have to becareful not to let his harmful words hurt you.
Maybe it is as simple as "I understand how you feel. Is there anything I can do for you to change that perception"
Remember he is just hanging on to the past right now. It will take him a while to get out of it.
Very sticky sitch you are in. It really does suck. But I am proud of your for giving it up and working to save your M. I just wish my W had half the brain that a lot of you gals have. She does not realize what she is doing and probably won't until it is too late. One can only put up with their crap for so long before they just get fed up and have to move on for themselves. Just saddens me.
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I'm sorry about your W. It sounds like she does go back and forth. I've read through your posts and it does sound like you are working towards making yourself a better person, regardless of the outcome. I think that's what all of this boils down to, right?
You do have something to focus your energy on as well - your kids. We never had kids (me = 39, H=40 in 1 week). Lots of reasons before, now I'm regretting those decisions.
Keep your PMA up - you are helping others on both sides of the fence in these forums. That should make you feel good!
Heck, even one of the 'regulars' commented the other day on how far you've come. Impressive!
Have a wonderful holiday with the little ones. I'm signing off for 10 days. I'll be spending them with the H and our dog.
Goals for vacation Detach - don't let the hurtful words get to me....after all they are just words. Love - show love in all that I do and say Validate - agree with his feelings, they are how he feels - right, wrong or indifferent. feelings come and go. Share - this is the biggie. Share my thoughts and feelings - he needs to see that I can open up and not shut down around him
