Quote: Well, they’re much better, but there’s still something missing.
Yes, her perception of me has changed. But her perception of the validity of my needs/wants/desires has not.
My W is an important part of my R. But now, I have to ask myself, “What about me?”
It would seem simple for me to simply ask for what I want, but here’s the kicker…
When I do so, the response is still opposition.
Andy,
There is one more perception that needs to be addressed between her preception of "me" and "her perception of the validity of my needs/wants/desires" ... and that is her perception of her feeling towards you! Michelle's writes about this in DR about how the feeling really don't change, but how they interpret (preceive) those feelings does...
I love you, but i'm not in love with you.
Once they accept that you are the "new" you, then they have to reprocess through their feelings towards you. To take your mathmatical metaphor ... You have changed a variable in the equation and now she has to recalculate the formula to see the new result. I do feel what that outside influences (son's autism, etc...) appear to drain the batteries of her calculater (sort to speak) which in turn slows down the reprocessing. I don't know if there is a way in which you can recharge her batteries or perhaps upgrade her calculater to a "Pentium 4"? but there's a good chance she might have to do this by herself and you will need to be patient a little while longer. Until she does change her preception at this step, I'm afraid you cannot work on her preception of what you need. You can't pass GO, you can't collect the $200 ....
It does seem like once they do come up with the new answer to the equation and decide how they will act upon it, then they change very quickly ... like turning on a light switch and THEN you can "ask for what you want".
but there's a good chance she might have to do this by herself and you will need to be patient a little while longer. Until she does change her preception at this step, I'm afraid you cannot work on her preception of what you need. You can't pass GO, you can't collect the $200 .... 
