Whew! Yes, way too weird. In my sitch OM had a cancer scare and like your story, I know about my W and her OM friend. She's supposed to help him get through this period of need.
Quote: I know I shouldn't reply....but won't it just piss him off?
I've ignored Evil Texts before and was blamed for 'that familiar silence'
Then tell him you love him and you don't want to argue. Tell him you'll be there for him if he wants to talk but you don't want to have a text battle. If he keeps it up, don't reply.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Quote: Guess the "hands and knees" part was too much. His response "yeah, who is in front and behind?"
I think your H and my H are related! Gez I read that post and it was like I was standing in my own living room.
Your H needs reassurance, yes. When he sends messages like that, I think you did respond well, and the one above was more or less expected.
When you say things to H, don't worry if it is the "right" thing or HIS response to it. If you are genuine and honest in what you are saying, then say it to him.
For the last year I have been concerned about what I am saying, how I should word it, will it make things better or worse? It did not seem to matter how I tried to communicate things, it was always open to HIS interpretation and how HE wanted to see things. The "nice comments" would roll of his back and be ignored, and if I said something in frustration, he made sure to capitalize on it for months.
This is where I went wrong. I was always waiting for his reaction. I allowed his reaction to control how I felt about what I said.
Don't let HIS reaction control YOUR emotions and actions.
Hope I was clear in that explination (as you can see I am not very good at clear communication either )
I think your H and my H are related! Gez I read that post and it was like I was standing in my own living room.
Your H needs reassurance, yes. When he sends messages like that, I think you did respond well, and the one above was more or less expected.
When you say things to H, don't worry if it is the "right" thing or HIS response to it. If you are genuine and honest in what you are saying, then say it to him.
For the last year I have been concerned about what I am saying, how I should word it, will it make things better or worse? It did not seem to matter how I tried to communicate things, it was always open to HIS interpretation and how HE wanted to see things. The "nice comments" would roll of his back and be ignored, and if I said something in frustration, he made sure to capitalize on it for months.
This is where I went wrong. I was always waiting for his reaction. I allowed his reaction to control how I felt about what I said.
Don't let HIS reaction control YOUR emotions and actions.
Hope I was clear in that explination (as you can see I am not very good at clear communication either )
Sigh: Thank you...you were very clear! I do worry about his reaction. Especially since his emotions seem to be escalating. Just when I think things are calming down, he's gearing himself up to a boiling point again. How are things now between you two?
Osu: There's venting....and then there's.....what? Emotional abuse? A person who has profusely apologized, acknowledged all of the wrong doing.....do they deserve to be verbally beaten down until they are a sobbing mess? There are days I feel like a dog crawling back to a mean master: hoping for a scrap, getting a kick and being grateful when there's a small nugget of a treat being handed along with the kick.
Quote: Osu: There's venting....and then there's.....what? Emotional abuse? A person who has profusely apologized, acknowledged all of the wrong doing.....do they deserve to be verbally beaten down until they are a sobbing mess? There are days I feel like a dog crawling back to a mean master: hoping for a scrap, getting a kick and being grateful when there's a small nugget of a treat being handed along with the kick.
Sorry - just had a bad couple of days.
I can uderstand where the emotional abuse comes in. But I can tell you that you are letting him do this to you. He is messed up in the head right now. This is where you need to be detatched and not let things like this bother you. If you want to save your M you are going to have to let him let all of this crap out. Once he sees that it does not bother you anymore he will get bored with it and eventually stop. He is getting a rise out of you right now. IMHO he is just trying to make you feel as bad as he is. Didn't you say he went out with some of his friends when he sent the TM?
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
The TM came from work....then he went out. He's not telling me who he is going out with these days. I know it's not our couple friends.
He just called and started in on me again. I finally said I had to go to work and now he's calling me a liar. I do have to finalize some things before getting out of here because we have next week off.
It is very difficult. Is it fair? Hell No. Does it crush our spirits when our WAS's lash out? Hell yes.
Here is the question you need to ask yourself.
Do I want to continue this fight to save my M even though my H is very upset w/ what I have done and is treating me like total crap right now? I can not answer that one for you only you can.
If you want to save your M unfortunately you will have to put up with this for a while.
Have you tried to act like what he is saying does not bother you? My bet is "No". Like I said it takes two people to argue. Take one of the people out of the equation and the fight becomes boring and pointless.
Maybe even try this...
H: You are a frickin slut! GC: I am sorry you feel that way.
Just an example I was not actually saying you are a slut...
Just validate his feelings and do not give into him. Once he is finished go somewhere and cry your eyes out if you have to. Eventually you will not give a crap what he says to you. It is all about not giving him the rise that he wants right now. He is treating you like crap but he is hurt inside and it will take him a while to heal. I am not saying that what he is doing is right. Just be the strong one and not let his emotions or words bring you down. You are too good of a person for that.
Keep you head up and I am sorry that you are going through all of this crap right now.
Later, O
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
) 
I do worry about his reaction. Especially since his emotions seem to be escalating. Just when I think things are calming down, he's gearing himself up to a boiling point again. How are things now between you two?