Good phone convo this afternoon - I think I reassured him of all of his issues: a) I'm here for the long haul b) I'm not the same person I was before c) I will not let others in and hurt him and that he's the one and only.
It seems he needs consistent reassurance, is that true? If so, I'm more than happy to give it. I just don't want the words to end up watered down. New metaphors help.....(Us being in the old folks home together is the end goal and walking down the path of life, making sure both of us are safe on the road...is the best way to get there)
Hopefully we're both on the same highway!
No more wallowing.....Gonna focus on the tasks at hand and crank the radio on teh way home.
Quote: It seems he needs consistent reassurance, is that true? If so, I'm more than happy to give it. I just don't want the words to end up watered down.
In a word, YES. Constant reassurance helps a lot, if your H is anything like how I was. (It sounds like he is). As I said... it takes time, but remember, things will NEVER be as they were before. But, remember, though, he is going through feelings he has probably never had to really work through. Working through them is tough. Give him some time, and some space... but not too much space. I think my wife messed up there... and she ended up giving me too much space, and we drifted apart.
krr: There's only been a few times he has asked for space - when he goes out with friends, but even then he's calling me to and from.
He gets very angry if I am quiet for too long. Or if he doesn't bring things up and I don't mention them....that really ticks him off.
I've opened up to him, but I'm not a real big talker and I really don't know how to pin point what I'm feeling at times. That's where I get into trouble....saying things that get taken out of context or that I end up having to explain.
gotta_change: I ran across this post over in Sigh's thread and it just hit me. The details and timeline are so close together. I'm almost scared to ask if you're the OMW?
Quote: Sigh: Oh wow, we are both going through some similar stuff. My H actually started having an EA with an ex-girlfriend 8 months ago. He was "working through it" and now he's saying he's just friends. He'll never admit it was an EA. But they talk daily and meet up every now and then. Her husband knows, didn't like it now I think she hides their calls/texts from him.
After a few months of the EA, he asked me to share with him any of my secrets (I think because he was feeling guilty about his EA.) So I dropped the bomb on him about my A (two of them). One happening was going on at the time I dropped the bomb. He did not stop his EA. It might have strengthened it. Either way, I told him that it was probably jealousy that made me tell him. Plus the fact that I really did want us to be together. (Good news for LBS - seeing our men with OW does get to us)
So, the whole X-mas present to her is something he's saying that I have no right to stop him. He already gave it to her.
I sucked it up. Not sure if it was the right thing to do - but I had the guilt thing going as well. He's saying she's helping him through this by being just a friend, not an EA. I know its a bit of both. I'm not stupid. He does throw it in my face to hurt me, then tells me that he's only doing it because it's the one thing he knows that bothers me.
Your H may be getting the attention/feeling of self worth from this OW because of your bomb. You may want to discuss that with him.
Quote: Text reads: 7 years, multiple As, all your friends, all that 'class', all that everything. everyone in on the joke but me, the butt of it, F you all
How does one reply to this?
you don't reply.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
The quitting smoking, the EA that was suppose to stop, the calling, txting, meeting up once in a while. Did your H work for a bank by any chance? Please say no. Hahaha
Please say no. Hahaha