Quote: If the compliments are not working try somthing else. Have you read "Five Love Languages"? Maybe you are just pushing the wrong buttons as far as showing your love.
Just continue to make him feel safe and comfortable around you. Trust is a very hard thing to regain when crap like this unfolds. However, in time he will start to trust you again.
What does he like to do?
Thx...I'll check out the Five LL
Smoke and drink lately - but he's going to give up smoking in 9 days. Off road-ing, star gazing, fire building....we are going out to the desert for x-mas. He's going to start going to the gym, both of us are supposed to...but since we are getting ready to go on vacation, we haven't hit it yet.
Osu: I need help with some phrasing. I had a co-worker (male) at work who was my friend....but I never really told my H how close we were. Now that my H knows everything, it's awkward when people that have some "taint" to them contact me. How do I tell him that he called to wish me a Merry X-mas? I don't want to call and act like it's a reporting in....or should I? I want to handle this right. It wasn't a big deal, but now I'm afraid I'm over thinking it too much.
If not then why even bother saying anything? If he asks just tell him the truth it was a coworker calling to wish me a Merry X-mas. Remember it is about gaining the trust back now. You have to be honest with him.
But as far as I am concerned if it was just a normal co-worker that you do not have feeling for then do not bother saying anything.If one of your girlfriends called to wish you a Merry X-mas would you tell him? Probably not so why worry about this one.?
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Well - mainly because it's his philosophy "If I feel a bit weird about hiding something, then I shouldn't hide it". The reason I told him (Yup - I already called....didn't want to sit on it too long), was because I had a second hesitation thinking "Oh well, it's just a friend calling...what's the harm." But since there is a slight weirdness about it, since I kept this friendship from him - anything I hide about it would be harmful.
I don't know - it seemed logical to me when H described his thoughts on sharing. No weirdness = OK not to share, anything weird = Probably should be sharing.
Phone call went OK. I told him, reassured him that there was nothing there (basic fear that it was some type of A) and that it was no different than if one of the other people on the "bad friend" list had called.
I just wanted to let him know about it and not keep it from him. He asked how's that supposed to make me feel? I told him that he was supposed to feel that I was sharing and that it was nothing of consequence.
He couldn't really talk, so after I informed him of this....I was basically out of small talk. I think that makes him a bit angry, he wants all of this communication from me and I have problems sometimes coming up with anything other than I'm sorry and I will do anything and everything to make this better.
I signed up, to post in this thread. My wife cheated on me five years ago, with my best friend. It hurts more than you can believe. It takes time to heal the wounds. Talking and being there for him, is like a dressing on the wound. Be VERY open and forthcoming. You have completely betrayed his trust. A relationship is built on trust, so there are going to be a LOT of issues. But, if you can show that you are open, and loving, he will eventually come around. For me, there was always a nugget of fear, of her doing it again... and her leaving me. To this day, I still feel pain. It will never go away. That is not to say I have not been happy, but that little nugget has always been there.
