Piecing together, or not?

[kirby]

Hi J,
I didn't mean to suggest that you Don't go to AK. Did it sound that way? I do think you should do what's right for you, and your kids, and that maybe staying where you are, and it maybe going.

This just occured to me. My WAW left, but to her, I might have left a long time ago. She gave me a chance by coming back. Do I owe her the same? Does this relate to you at all? Probably not. OK, so back to your sitch.

I've a theory that all of us who over analyze and try to decide with logic, are really just rationalizing. Eventually, we make our decisions based on our gut feeling and then we build the logic to support it. What do you think? Maybe I should only speak for myself on this. But... after all the thinking you've done, after all the weighing of issues, what does your gut (or heart) tell you to do? It's not always easy to know what your insides are saying, but I'm sure they are telling you something.

That's the main point. Some ancillary points would concern motivation. Are you, like me, a martyr? Would you be going as a sacrifice to the greater good? Would there be resentment over time? What if the plan didn't work and now you are in AK without the money, with the same H? Now would you feel resentment and want to say I told you so? I think resentment can be insidious.

After all the hard work you’ve done to save the M, would you feel like a failure or that you wasted your time if you don’t go? Is that a good reason to go?

Has your H changed? Does he “get it”, any of it? Does he have to get it for you to be a healthy partner in the relationship, or will you have to be a martyr? Does he get it enough that you can be healthy and happy?

I think you could be happy in AK, or anywhere. I think you have a good idea of what your purpose is and who you are. I think you could be happy anywhere.

I agree with you that the family is important and that kids do better in intact marriages, even ones with issues, than with divorced parents. So, yes, I think that if we choose to stay together and not swallow our resentment but find a way to get around it, then that is the best option.

Although I’ve been playing devil’s advocate, in your shoes, (not that I can really understand your sitch based just on this message board) I think I would go. Your M can work. You must believe that or you wouldn’t have worked so hard.

J, I support you in your decision and I wish the best for you and your family. I keep saying to myself “Thy will be done”.