Piecing together, or not?

[25yearsmlc]

Dear VC,

First, sometimes I have trouble answering Rocco. Seems really repetitive, but I need to work on my patience, I guess.

Moving up there??? Don't know. Maybe so. Let's see how a job search goes, and how D9 really feels. So far she has not refused, but I saw the look of hurt on d17's face when d9 just mentioned going up there "for 2 or 3 years". I said, to d9, hypothetically that we'd leave if we BOTH didn't like it then. Supposedly H will leave too, but who knows about that?

VC, I have moved a great deal in the M, as a military member and wife. So part of me is just tired of that. But all in all, by far, Fairbanks was the hardest, darkest, most UNfriendly place I've been. When I did comedy the front row usually started out with their arms crossed as if they were expecting a stripper....????

Anchorage is more "civilized" and beautiful. But there are only 300,000 people there total, which makes it a small city and it is IT.....until you fly down to Seattle -5+ hours flying. The other "cities" in Alaska are several times smaller, so Anchorage is all the "city" you'll get. It IS beautiful, but at this time of year it has just over 5 hours of daylight. 10:15 to about 3:30, which means d9 would be in the dark before and after school....it is harder than you realize and the "SAD" lights were, ummm, useless as far as we could tell. The kids and I stared at them every morning and evening and MAYBE it helped. Sure didn't notice and it just feels like a heavy dark blanket that sort of slows you down, makes you hungry, easily tired, and a bit melancholy. Not serious clinically depressed but definitely lowered energy and less happy and less upbeat. Lots of fear about going thru that again.

So that's the down side. But d9 was happier about the idea of "daddy would be living with us?" than I expected and so that was moving. It is beautiful and a part of the life style there is "adventurous". I like the outdoors well enough and the idea of "catching" my food, or H doing so, has a certain primordial appeal.....Plus the whole looks thing (where if you are a "7" in looks in a normal place, you move up at least 2 notches moving up there, so you can be a 9 or 10 up there, especially since I have all my teeth, and they're white, and I shave my legs......um just kidding....or am I??) Then, there are the POSSIBLE career advantages, but that's still unknown. Even though there is a shallow talent pool, there are also a lot fewer jobs. Plus they are not the creative ones I do here. As far as flying into LA to market myself, just so you know, it is unrealistic. The entertainment industry is largely reliant on personal relationships and contacts. Unless you are well established with a hit show, best selling novel/screenplay etc, no one will have time to meet with someone from out of town, who cannot possibly give them any additional "connections" and work. People HERE like it if you are different as there is NO desire for conformity....I LOVE that I don't get boxed in to "being a Lawyer" or a "Mother" although come to think of it, I've always played a mom or an executive in the films I've done....hmmmm. Maybe if I can get a literary agent, but they require 3 complete screenplays to read, before they'll even meet you. So, for me to have worked at the Improv, the Comedy Store, and other places is a real accomplishment and took a lot of work that scares me, compared to being a lawyer. I know it's too really different worlds, but I love it. Down here there are groups that form to support each other in these creative endeavors. Up there, well, I could start one. And I have thought of actually opening a theater there, when I get gutsy...or crazy.

Thanks for listening. I am considering going up there, or at least being open to it. But legal stuff has to be okay. Don't want to be stuck there "sharing" custody if H goes nuts on me, or if I can't handle it and he breaks his word, which would = me staying there until D9 is 18 y/o which would SUCK big time...I THINK H might sign something that could reassure me, but I haven't asked him yet. Also, the support amounts are much better here than up there. Much better here.....Anyhow,
How are YOU doing? and thanks for posting here, btw.
j-