not exactly. But I believe he'd say he wants the same thing; but UP there.....which means the same thing, minus the sunny part and whatever I want that conflicts with H. OR he'll say we can have "it all" which means I "commute" to sunny LA whenever the darkness gets to me too much. That doesn't appeal to me much at all, and btw, gives H everything he has insisted on getting, and forces ALL the changes and concessions onto me and d's....
My mc reminded me of this, and asked me about when H blurted out, in a mc session,that he thought I'd "cave in" eventually.... Those were H's words. I think he didn't believe I'd keep the boundary up, and I guess that means he'd get away with the lying...In other words, if he gets his way, it's ALL worth it.
So, mc said, "J, if you go up there AS IT IS NOW, I fear you'll be miserable and resentful, and then the M WILL end for certain.." Then mc basically says to hold my ground, and IF H can show some change, then I could maybe give it a try. H told mc he wants to improve and be "a better H" (told me as well), but whenever I am with H, it doesn't take long for him to revert to critical or selfish ways....as if he has NOT had an awakening, like I've assumed. H told me the other day that he is "lonely ALL the time", which both saddens and worries me.
Also seems to believe his own revisions of how he got up there without us...THAT freaks me out. NEVER once brings up the lying or secret trips, not once. If the truth is too much for H, how in the world can we ever get past this? I am not talking about dragging out all the history with a negative microscope to assign blame, but sometimes it does seem as if H has amnesia (maybe too much anesthesia??). God, can he just promise not to do it again? Is that TOO much for me to ask?????
Thoughts? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
