Hmmmm....?.....(thanks for the insite on Resurrecting Sex I've been listening to the Love Matters Programs and that is probably why I asked about the book, hoping to find more clues to what is going on here at the home.)
Being my own 'shrink', I have the most giving husband. I'm thinking he's a lot like Lou in trying his darndest to please me in the non-personal sence. He'll do ANYTHING like shopping, tree planting, pouring coffee that sort of a thing. That's suposed to surfice. He's applied linament to a very sore back, and doing it well, with tenderness and warmth. I don't dare ask for what I consider intimacy, holding and connecting physically, all I get is a wall and tension so thick London fog should be assamed.
Schnarch said something in one of the interviews about burying a partner and not being "connected" to them. I guess that's where I am. More surgery scheduled for after the holidays and we're not talking about it except to chastise the Dr's for jazzing up the inscission on the catherization which now needs to be healed before the stint is addressed again.
I don't want to dwell on the surgery, I want to grow to know the person I'm driving all over the place. Married almost 30 years and yet I say something like that! I know him on a daily task basis, but I'd say he's hurting and depressed and unaproachable to me.
I have tried to understand the codependent logic and the validation issues I have with myself and him. I know it would be healthier to be more comfortable with myself, and going shopping for holiday gifts and to my dr's appt, gave me an uplifting moment. That moment was crashed as I senced he was trying to climb aboard my smile and took me shopping the next day for an illusive coat that I have been looking for for 2 years. (No *grins* I'm not cold, but the old black coat needs a replacement and I haven't found it yet!) I guess its his way of trying to enjoy my cheer when he precieves a happy moment and insists on participating. It's safer. It's not personal. It's not intimate, by my interpretation. It's sad....
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
