Thanks Lil - I've been browsing around the sober recovery website and found some really interesting stuff. I've found some interesting material about of Love Avoidance and Love Addiction on this site. I guess it would appear that I am in some way love avoidant.
Pia Mellody is a counsellor who has developed the concept of the Love Addict and the Love Avoider.
"people who are love avoidant usually experience the need to take care of a parent in childhood."
This is me. - My mum had had an abused childhood and she needed us to love her not the other way around.
And all along I've been thinking H was avoiding me! Well maybe he has but I think for much of the time this has suited me.
Weirdly enough it seems H most likely is love avoidant too. Much of his behaviour especially the need to drink and workaholism fits the bill perfectly. Love avoiders are often over-enmeshed as children. H always describes his childhood as "very happy". I wonder whether he was over-enmeshed with his mother and suffocated by her.
Anyway, plenty of food for thought here.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
