Wanted to post this also. Last year at the height of my frustration at being the one trying to fix everything I read "Co-Dependent No More" Might need to give it another read. There was something in the book about overdoers and underdoers. Basically it said that R's are like a see saw and can get out of balance with one carrying all of the burden and the other not contributing. The advice was to drop the rope and stop doing as much.. detach. In response the underdoer would naturally start to carry more weight over time. I also wonder if this has anything to do with what we're experiencing. J is stepping up to do more and I'm doing less. I feel the downtime this creates and where I used to feel like I had to be constantly aware of our R and where it was, I can relax and be assured that he's helping to make the R work. Alot of the worries I had before are gone and along with that, the constant stress. So, maybe the "rut" is just normal? The drama is gone and there's nothing to replace that stimulus.
No I'm faced with focusing on my goals of getting organized and living life. It's hard to do that when my attention has been diverted by a crisis for two years. I'm finding I don't know how to approach the mundane like laundry, shopping, etc. I used to accomplish that as an after thought and now I find myself saying "I don't wanna do that so much.. must be something more interesting to do with my time!" Ugh..and I used to be such a good homemaker! Time to start getting back into good habit. I have the laundry finished (finally). And yeah, I know that might be small and boring to the rest of you, but I really feel it's part of getting back on track and piecing. At some point we might all be faced with reclaiming a normal life and not focusing so much time on our R's and whether we're constantly making progress. I always wonder if the process and steps are much the same for other couples and how they face each challenge that comes.
