Happy New Year Sheila! I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I have been keeping up with your sitch. It really sounds good and it is definitely going in the right direction. Being patient and being calm is huge. This I am learning. I have always reacted to my emotions and then thought about the consequences later. This same thing holds true for your kids, we cannot control them. Just remain calm and worry about controlling yourself and everything will work out between you and J and your kids as well.
