Quote of the day: Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
Thought that was a good one to post because it's easy to concentrate on the past and not move forward. Especially for those of us who've been hurt by infidelity, separation, and harsh words.
I have a question for the board. How do ya'll deal with basic life issues and parenting while you're piecing? If there is a disagreement, or issue that needs to be discussed (not R related), how do you approach it? I've posted that J has said I'm bossy and controlling. I also need to make sure that I don't mother him or tell him what he should be doing. Given that, I'm not always sure of how to approach a problem without sounding critical or bossy. Sometimes it's something I've mentioned before so mentioning it again feels like nagging.
Couple of examples: J leaves his dirty lounge clothes on the chair beside the bed. I pick them up and put them in the laundry every day. Small thing, but we expect the kids to take care of their dirty clothes, so he and I should set an example too. I've asked him several times if he would mind making sure they get into the laundry, but he doesn't. As much as he doesn't want a mommy, I don't like to be the mommy who picks up after him either. Should I just let it go? Let the clothes pile up and ignore it? Put a hamper by the chair?
Another example: Parenting. We have two active, headstrong boys (3 and 6). They are handfuls to say the least. We both adore them of course and they're spoiled rotten. Sometimes J does things that I think he should know better than to do. Yesterday he stopped at the store and brought a christmas stuffy home. He and the boys usually stop on the way out of the store at the crane machine to see if they can win a toy. There have been times when they only win one and then of course he has an unhappy boy if they both don't get a toy. We've had more than a few crying fits over that. I've asked that they don't stop and do that unless he's going to make sure both boys get a toy, or figure out a way to teach them to share that works. I don't understand why he wants to fight that battle at all, but as long as I don't have to deal with it, I stay quiet. Yesterday he came home with one stuffy. He gave it to S6 because it happened to be one that he saw and wanted. It was the last one in the machine, so S3 didnt get one and was upset about it. This morning S3 was up asking J to go and get him a stuffy. Had a little fit that got me out of the bed and I finally got him settled down by letting him play with a christmas toy that's usually not to be touched. I'm anticipating J running to get S3 a toy this afternoon, or if not, S3 havin yet another fit when J gets home.
We also had words last night because J said "boob" in front of the boys and S3 LOVES that word and I've been telling him it's a bad word. J thought it was funny, but I didnt. I don't want our boys to be crude and I thought J felt the same way. I told him he should be setting an example and yeah, it might be humorous when the boys use those words, but teaching them it's OK to use them isn't worth a laugh.
After that, I felt bad because I basically chastised him. Maybe I should have just asked nicely for him to not use those words in front of the kids? We have four kids.. it seems obvious to me that we should know better at this point. This is something he'd never have done with our older boy and girl and now I'm struggling with how to handle it without telling him how to parent. He's a great Dad. He spends so much time with our kids and I'm very thankful for that. My GF said I should let it go, and just be the bad cop on this one and make sure I correct the kids when they need it, but not say anything to J about how he parents. She said Dad's have been leading their boys astray for years with Mommy standing by frowing and it works out. Maybe she's right.. it's kinda like me and D12 buying one too many pairs of shoes and knowing J will have something to say about it, but it's a "girl" thing so we laugh and move on.
