Well, I've been thinking alot about what you said Bud, and you're right. We are so tightly wound together taking responsibility for each other's feelings and me with my expectations, it's difficult. I can't say it's a pleasant thought, but I'm going to have to grow up! J on his part is getting better at handling my feelings, but I can see where he feels responsible and part of that is because my expectations of him have been to do the things that make me happy and fulfill me. The transition from that, to making me happy and being responsible for that and vice verca (sp?) is hard and full of potholes.

Right now I'm sad. I feel a loss. So, I'm here in the sadness knowing it'll lead me to acceptance.. of the past, of what can't be changed, of things I can't control, and that I need to let go. Remember your focus on letting go? How does that work? Im reading "When Things Fall Apart" again. I believe I'm starting to see the benefits of groundlessness, or at least being willing to embrace that and live where I am, experience my feelings, my loss of control, and my responsibility for me. Oh, and trying to accept me as I am.. find that confidence you talk about. It's confusing.. I feel like I'm about to break free into the sunshine if I can just stick through the sadness and accept what is.

J and I are doing OK. Still have individual issues we're dealing with and he pointed out many positives to me last night. Basically that we belong together and although it's not perfect, it's pretty good. I'd agree.. we have a great life and family.. our share of problems, but for the most part, the journey has changed us for the good so far. I'm gonna stick with that Enjoy my family, let go and accept that this is life and see where it goes.. maybe allow things to happen without my hands white knuckling the steering wheel all the time!

Sheila