Thanks CL Especially for the reminder that we can't be perfect!

H came through for us in a big way last night He followed me into the bedroom after I took a bath and asked me to sit down by him on the bed. He hugged me and told me that he's sorry this is so hard and that he wants to give me what I need. He was so sweet and encouraging about our future. He said that he loves me and always wants me by his side and that he's happy when we're together. Then he said that he wants to learn my LL and how to give me what I need. He asked me again what would help and asked me to give him specifics.

Then he blew my mind a little. He said that he wants it to be like it was in the beginning of our M. He talked about his memories of the passion we shared and said that I was so relaxed then ML to him and that he wants that back. I was stunned.. he's never mentioned that our physical R has changed or that he misses anything, or there's a specific problem. He said that he can see how he rejected me and I'm afraid he'll do that again. And he acknowledged that I havent been free to share my sexuality within our R without repercussions. ML has basically been his way for years. (The therapist said that this is common in men with OCD, and could be one of the reasons we don't ML frequently. She said that it's a matter of creating perfection, and expectations, and when a partner throws a curveball during it can create anxiety and performance issues) Anyway, he said that he wants to know me.. he wants to know my heart and he wants to know me sexually too. He said that it's not a lack of desire on his part, it's a lack of acting on it. That we don't spend enough time together and then we both start wondering "is she in the mood".. "is he in the mood". He's right. I honestly think that we both feel the same about so much. We enjoy each other physically.. we both enjoy hugging, kissing and we're generally affectionate. It's just making time for the passionate relationship that we've neglected. And, J has admitted that he went through a period of time when he didnt know if he loved me, was attracted to me, etc.

He suggested that we start being more affectionate. Turning off the TV or whatever else we're doing when the kids go to bed and start spending quality time together. He said we need to get comfortable and get to know each other all over again.. explore our likes and dislikes and said his goal is for us to feel as comfortable and passionate as we did in the beginning of our M.

I'm feeling very cared for, heard and seen right now We'll see what happens!

Sheila