Thanks believing. It helps me to see where I'm poisoning our R. That's definately something I need to work on also. My S20 has said that I keep a list of wrongs and that it's painful. It's a matter of expecations, acceptance and forgiveness I think. That's one of the reasons I'm trying to focus on these faults and correct them. H isnt where I wanted/want him to be and I'm not where I should be either. We all have our faults and I'm hoping the more I focus on me, the less I'll focus on him and along the way learn firsthand how hard it is to change something that's become ingrained.
I had a friend advice me months ago to live as if J wasnt here and stop concentrating on what he's not doing. He's wise. He said what's the difference... if you're not together you'll shoulder all of the burden, why not shoulder it willingly in order to keep your family together and have faith that he'll get there without continually nagging about it. He countered that with not setting to high of expectations for myself and suggested that I ask lovingly for help and advice when I need it instead of assuming that J can read my mind.
Lots to think about and process. I appreciate the insight from the board!
