You hit the nail on the head CL. I'm very frustrated, let my emotions overwhelm me, and yeah, then I open my mouth and damage the R even more.
I think I do well on a daily basis, but then it builds up and I have my say. Not good. I'm doing better, but I'm definately not there yet. He's accused me of running a list of what he does wrong and that's true.
So, I'm not doing good at managing my emotions and disappointment. I communicate positively sometimes, but it goes down the tubes at times too.
So, on my part I feel overburdened by responsibility and like my need for an intimate/romantic partnership isn't being met. Gotta figure out what I can contribute to change that. Here are some thoughts.
1. Ask for help. It's not the same as him taking responsibility, but if he starts to do things and feel confident about them, he might get to the point of being in charge of a thing or two.
2. Time out. I need to figure out how to de-stress and deal with my negative emotions and anger when it's overwhelming. Exercise might help with that. I've slacked off going to the gym. Journalling might relieve it too.
Counting the positives. I get negative and forget to really do that. He acknowledges the problems and wants to work to make it better. That is a blessing that I tend to forget because I want it to be fixed today or yesterday.
As far as intimacy.. it's hard to be intimate when we have these other issues. He faithfully hugs and kisses me every day and says ILU. He's being very gentle and loving with me really. Another positive because last year it wasnt like that.
My C said that I'm letting fear control me. That I do well, but then thinking about all that we need to change, can't see big progress and envision the future to be full of the same hurts as in the past. Then I convince myself that if he just understood, he'd change. I open my mouth and try to force the change by demanding it. He reassures me and makes promises and the cycle starts over again. Ughhh.
It's much better than it was. I have to keep telling myself that. I see positives, and there's a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long. I know I should be controlling my expectations and being patient. It's soooo hard! I keep thinking about the analogy of the pizza guy showing up and stopping an argument in it's tracks. I do have control over this. I have to want it enough to exercise it.
