NikkiB's new thread, new life

[NikB]

Hi Stilltryin, thanks for checking in!

I hope you’re right I can help my bro out too. The one big difference there is they are both very committed to making it work right now, so they’re in the fight together. A much better time to get to them, that’s for sure. “January out of nowhere” just meant give it to them as a gift for no reason in January, as opposed to a Christmas gift (sorry I know that was vague!). I just thought it might make a kind of strange Christmas gift. Although I’ll tell ya what, from here on out it will be my standard wedding gift for newlyweds!!

Yeah I am totally excited about the kayaking. They said you can get right up next to otters and stuff. So fun!! I have a number of big GAL goals for the summer, so starting in January I’m going to work on smaller goals that will help me reach them. I decided to give myself a break and just STOP with all but the essentials for this week. I’m slowly losing my mind trying to DB, do Christmas, etc. Goal for this week is 1. survive Christmas and 2. try to enjoy most of it.

About H”s rudeness – I think it’s one of two things. One is he was at OW’s house and didn’t want me to know (which sort of explains him “accusing” me of being at a bar), or two is that he’s trying to treat me badly so that the separation is easier on me (or even make me want to be the one to move, who knows). It seems when he’s leaning towards staying he becomes relatively relaxed, pleasant, and nice to me. When he leans towards moving out he gets anxious, moody, and just plain nasty to be around. It’s just a guess…trying not to spend too much time worrying about it since it doesn’t really matter.

On the diet thing – most days I’m eating quite a bit healthier now. I get at least 3 meals of some sort (sometimes 1-2 meals are just a protein shake, but it’s something) and take some good vitamins. The acid reflux is mostly from muscle damage, back to my childhood illness again – but it’s definitely better when I’m thinner so I am hopeful that losing weight will help with that. I do think my calories are pretty low and I’m also not drinking enough water, so that probably contributed.

The doc said a lot of the same things you did about the meds. She said “they’ll take away 50% of the problem, so that you have the mental and emotional energy to deal with the other 50% with the IC.” My goal is not to be on them long term though, and she’ll only prescribe them in conjunction with counseling (which I really respect, I’ve always been very upset w/my Mom’s doc for prescribing it without her getting any help). She and the MC have both said this will be hard no matter what, but they think I will do so much better with the extra help for now. I broke down a bit in her office and she said that without them, she is very concerned that I’m going to crash very, very hard physically and mentally. She said I’m way too good at burying my emotion and appearing ok. She said just from what she knows of me and my history I’m the “type” of depressed person that might just end up going to bed for 6 months. It’s happened in my family… and I figure I better fight it NOW while I have some strength rather than let it get worse first.

[NikB]

Totally separate topic so I thought I’d post it separately too…

Have any of you read the 5 Love Languages book/ listened to the CD? I am so glad I got it. Wish I’d gotten it about 5 years sooner…<sigh>.. but I am enjoying it. I did the quiz and found that my love language is “Quality time.” (I actually thought it would be affirming words). No wonder the withdrawing and looming separation are upsetting me SO much. I think that H mostly tries to communicate to me through “acts of service” (i.e. taking care of the house, cars, etc.), which was one of my lowest LL scores. I never thought of that as a way of expressing love. I feel awful now looking back at how MUCH of that he has done, and I never fully appreciated it. But I am grateful now to understand it’s an expression of love.

If he’s in a good, positive towards the R mood sometime I’m going to see if he’ll do the husband part of the quiz so I can find out what his LL is. Don't worry, I will NOT push him on this or even bring it up unless he brings up the R and talks about staying.

[NikB]

Hi Julie,

Thanks for posting! I have been thinking a lot about you, too, and keeping up with your threads even though I haven’t posted. You sure lock yours up fast!!

I am trying to look at it that way too, that maybe some good can come to others from it. To me too, ultimately, but it would be a huge mental/emotional boost to see it help my bro and SIL right now. My bro and SIL both said that they’re glad I’m strong enough to stand up for my M and that it inspires them, wow.

Hope you have a great week as well! So glad the holiday “rush” is almost over.

[inspiredjulie]

Nikki-

I love the 5 ll. I also use them on my kids. Wish I knew about them sooner as well, but maybe I needed the bomb to 'get it'.

I feel so good that you are inspiring your B and SIL- it makes me feel like there is a purpose in this crazy journey we are on. Awesome.

Have a great one. Julie

[DonH]

WOW, lots of posts there girl. I guess I called this one pretty well although it is a very common and straight forward treatment. Xanex is again a cousin of Ativan with many of the same properties. After the Wellbutrin is up and running they will stop the Xanex.

As for the potasium, it certainly does make sense. I wonder then why he is still going forward with the anxiety treatment. Perhaps he is not that sure.

So a trivia question for you and everyone else. What is used for leathal injection? Answer: When someone is put to death, they are injected with Potasium. No lie! The heart will beat in a relitively narrow potasium range. When it gets too high or too low, it will no longer beat. So after sedation, they inject a whole bunch of K and off goes the heart. Now don't worry, that is not going to happen with you but it does show just why these electrolytes are so darn important.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

DonH, isn't that what they inject a newborns foot? I could be totally wrong on that one.

NikkiB

I'm glad you have things figured out with the meds and stuff. I would think it might help to have some bananas on hand, I believe they are high in potasium. Right???

I really think trying to improve your diet is going to help you too. You really need to make sure you are eating throughout the day and especially breakfast! I think it would help you if you had several snacks, of course healthy snacks, like carrots, or fuits or nuts. It will also keep your metabolism going (which will help with the weight loss) and it would probably be good for the other problems too.

And yes, definitely drink lots of water. Cut down the caffeine too.

I'm sorry, do I hear my mother speaking?

have a good night guys.
Crissy

[NikB]

Hi Don - ha, yeah, got a little carried away with my posting!! Yes, you definitely called this one. Thanks for jumping in! I think she's still recommending the anxiety treatment because it's definitely a component. The potassium started it, but the underlying anxiety made it a thousand times worse. She asked "So how are things going for you?" and I burst into tears and sobbing... so I think it was pretty clearly not just potassium.

Thanks for the trivia - very interesting!! I had no idea that potassium did so much.

[NikB]

Thanks Stilltryin! Bananas are high in potassium but I'm somewhat allergic to them, so I'm looking for other high potassium foods to keep on hand. Avocadoes, tomatoes, broccoli, spinach are all pretty high too though, so I'll try to incorporate more of those.

Thanks for all the "mom" reminders, they are all very true! I am especially bad about breakfast, need to get better with that.

[NikB]

Hi again - one more quick post!

I was wondering if you guys think H's behavior right now is MLC? If so, what's different in how I handle things? (if anything).

I suspect it sometimes but I'm not so sure other times. The repeated cutting himself down, saying he wants to run, telling me he feels he "has to" do this make me wonder.

I need to re-read that section of DR... but wanted to get your thoughts too. Thanks.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Well, I almost thought that was what my H was having, MLC, but I said something later and he was like, huh? but I didn't talk about it any more so I really don't know if it was really it or not, but then again, he probably has no idea what MLC is anyways!

I'm thinking that what your doing is just right, and it's just going to be HIM that has to figure out what he wants in his life and that his life isn't making him miserable, but HE is making his life miserable. It's not you that is making him stuck. So, it's just gonna take time for him to figure stuff out. IMHO.

That's too bad about the bananas. They're such an easy snack. They do go bad fast though.

I'm good at playing "mommy", so I'll try to keep you on your toes every now and then.

Have an awesome weekend. and a Merry Christmas if I don't talk to you till then.

Matthew 1:20-21
But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."

AMEN!