It still blows my mind that it can happen and you have no idea you’re doing it. Some of the symptoms they list in the chronic section have been things I’ve struggled with even before the “bomb drop” so I wonder if I’ve done this for awhile and didn’t know it.
Friday night is such a blur. Whatever they gave me at the hospital for the anxiety really messed with my head. I barely remember posting here. Saturday morning I got up and saw a half gone box of Kleenex with tissues EVERYWHERE. Apparently I was pretty much hysterical all night and I don’t remember any of it. What scares me really bad is I have no idea what I even said!! Yikes. I thought I was doing OK when we left the hospital but apparently I should’ve taken them up on their offer to see a crisis person (even they thought I didn’t need to though). I told H that I was pretty much blacked out Friday night and please disregard anything I said, it was the medication talking. I know that doesn’t REALLY “take back” anything but at least he knows, and now I can get back to showing both of us I’m moving forward through my actions.
I filled the prescription for more of the anxiety stuff but I’m not taking it unless I’m truly desperate after seeing what it did to me Friday. I find myself having anxiety that I will get too anxious and have to choose between taking the anxiety meds or having another attack.. what a cycle huh??
Yesterday I spent the entire day practicing how to breath. I made it all day without any serious muscle spasms OR drugs so that’s good. I even made it through a family get together with H’s aunts, uncles, dad, etc. I almost didn’t go but was glad I did. I managed to smile and laugh some which I was proud of and H said he was surprised to see it too.
DonH – wow, I’m so glad to hear from someone else who’s heard of this. I had NO idea you could hyperventilate and have it not be visible and obvious you were doing it. That would be terrifying to wake up to! I wish we had a hot tub, I did notice that being warm made a huge difference in being able to control it, and I also seem to get very cold when it starts to happen.
I have been breathing very deep, slow breaths and if I notice so much as a tingle in my hand I breathe even slower…seems to help. They actually did the paper bag trick in the hospital and suggested it if I need it at home. I look forward to getting more help with the breathing. I’m sure there’s some tricks to doing it right but I’m not sure what other than don’t breath too shallow or too fast.
My H most definitely knows what it’s related to. As they were putting me in the ambulance he pulled one of the paramedics aside and told them it might be stress, but he was afraid I’d be embarrassed to tell them. At the hospital they asked him to leave while they took my info (another clue and something he noticed). When they let him back with me he noticed they were watching closely to see if him being there made it worse, and he asked almost immediately if it was stress or something worse. We talked about it a little bit more yesterday and he said he was kind of relieved it was stress related, because at least it’s something that can be managed. We were both very afraid it was something much worse.
Julie – I’m trying not to beat myself up but having a hard time. What if that was the nail in the coffin you know?? We talked a little more yesterday and I said I was just amazed that stress could do something so physical to you and he said he didn’t believe it before either but he does now. He’s been having all kinds of heart palpitations apparently and thinks it’s the stress too. Actually he has a lot of the symptoms of the chronic hyperventilation so he was interested in the info the doc gave us too.
Stilltryin – sorry you’ve been close to this too. Lemme tell ya, it’s worth it to go to sleep or do anything else to stop it. Those muscle spasms hurt like you wouldn’t believe!!! You’re right that I need to make it not too big of a deal. The old me .. you know, I don’t know. Probably stayed in bed all day yesterday, shut myself in the house for a week, give up on my positive changes and feel like it’s useless to try and force a PMA, and quite possibly let it get much worse.
If I can “snap out of it” pretty quick and get back to my normal GAL, Christmas, etc. activities I think it will be a huge positive for both of us – obviously the quicker the better for my own well being!!
H is STILL going back and forth about having this New Year’s Eve party and yesterday said we shouldn’t because of “what happened Friday.” I said I was taking care of that and not to worry about it happening again, and let’s go ahead w/the party but just keep it easy in terms of food etc. He says he thinks even if I don’t have another anxiety episode, it will be impossible for me to have any fun. I said I’d have fun and we should do it… we’ll see what happens.
I feel really guilty that we ended up sitting in the ER all day Friday instead of being able to get our Christmas shopping done so I’m finishing up his for him today. Which I should probably go get started on! Getting out and doing that will be a huge positive.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
