NikkiB's new thread, new life

[NikB]

Thanks Oldtimer – historically I’ve not been very good at being direct, so I appreciate the help in how to do it the right way. This morning I was such a wreck (partly lack of sleep I think), that even speaking to H at all without crying was a major accomplishment. I need to get better at making statements like the one you suggested so that I can express things better AND so I can start really believing and demonstrating that I’m responsible for my emotional well being, though. And I mean demonstrating to myself, not so much to H. If he asks about it or it happens again, I’ll be ready.

I think I’m hesitant to show him I’m hurting because we both know the cause and I don’t want to make him feel even worse, but I know that's not helpful. One of our biggest issues is that neither of us express our feelings well or share them openly, so I think this is an important lesson for me to learn.

Stilltryin – you know, you’re right, he probably appreciated the silence more than jittery small talk. I forget that guys like quiet so much more than a lot of us women do.

I’m so comforted to know I’m not the only one crazy enough to get out of bed when her H was still there. All night on the couch I kept thinking “You may not get many more nights next to him, what are you doing giving this one up???”

Thanks for the words about it being OK to hurt. You are right, and I needed to hear that. I keep thinking part of getting through this is not allowing myself to get hurt and that’s impossible. Right after I read your post I scheduled hair and nail appts for tomorrow so I’ll be forced to go out and do something fun. I took the day off to finish up shopping and wrapping, which may be delayed now, but I need the time to take care of me.