NikkiB's new thread, new life

[NikB]

Thanks Stilltryin.

I agree, that was a great post by Julie!!

I'm still debating what to do on telling H about the legal service. I really don't feel right lying about it but would still be curious to hear Ellie's take on why she suggested it so I can think it through more.

He knows vaguely that my work offers a legal plan because we've talked about using the free consult before. I am doing a lot of getting the house organized, getting paperwork in order, etc. so the As If you suggested might work. I'm sure he'd also realize just due to the timing that it's related to him saying he wants to separate though.

I think it might be a wake up call for him that this is serious and I'm not going to be treated like a doormat - which is actually kind of a 180 for me too. He's always telling me I should stand up for myself more, push for promotions at work more, etc. But, at the same time I don't want to turn things ugly or push in the direction of a D.

H has already made plans for the whole weekend again, none of which involve OW/EA, so I guess that's good. In the past I used to get kind of jealous when he'd tell me about his plans - "But H don't you want to spend time with me?" This time I'm doing much better, telling him it sounds like fun and I'm really excited for him (and I mean it, not just fakely saying it!). Plus the Saturday plans are with his family, so we'll get to spend some time together there. I'm glad for those times because I'm afraid detaching will equal so much distance that my positive changes won't get through or be noticed (although, I know that's not logical).

I will be busy getting Christmas stuff finished up - shopping, wrapping, etc. I am trying so hard to detach but the closer we get to the holidays, the more desparate I find myself feeling. Like it's some kind of "countdown" where if I do everything right I can stop the separation.

It also feels like I have this weird timeline, I have to get every little thing done NOW to prep myself in case he goes through with it. It's hard enough to keep up during the holidays but feeling like I have to start new hobbies, invite people over for dinner, learn to take care of the pool, order furniture, etc. etc. all RIGHT NOW is just so stressing me out. I'm trying to chill out and focus on the few most important things but I haven't been doing a very good job of it. The MC was right when she said it would be impossible to truly "prepare" and stop thinking I could - so I need to remember that.